


Revelation

by Tarkana



Category: Adam Lambert - Fandom
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gender Blender
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-02-09
Packaged: 2017-11-28 15:36:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/676038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarkana/pseuds/Tarkana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>with Lucilla recently broken up with her long time boyfriend, her best friend Chandra takes her to a local bar to get her out of her slump. She finds herself attracted to a male entertainer at the bar and makes it a regular occurrence to return just to see and impress him - only theres one problem unknowingly to her at first; he's not a guy. Now she has to deal with not only the hurt of losing her ex but also with the knowledge that her recent crush is actually female, and her favourite club is in fact a gay bar. How will she handle the news and what is she going to do about her Crush after pursuing "him" so fervently.</p><p>"Pre"- Idol: This is before Idol but all songs still exsist; Adam is not "famous" at the start </p><p>Please Note!<br/>This is a GENDER BLENDER.<br/>That means this story has Adam and Tommy as WOMEN who "ACT" like the selves we know and love. (Just imagen if Adam and Tommy weren't really Adam and Tommy but someone else, of a different gender....)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

My friend Chandra had dragged me out; telling me i had to get away from everything and just relax. That is when i saw him; the way he moved, the sound of his voice. It was easy to see that he was an angel sent for entertainment purposes. Chandra had gotten used to going out, she knew that i liked being social and since i could drink alcohol like water, i could never figure out the reasoning to the whole "night out drinking with the girls" thing but it didn't stop her from dragging me to yet another club. 

Lucilla was never a big fan of clubs, going out and partying or spending much time out of her house. Work was all she knew. But after today whether she admitted it or not, deep down she knew that every Friday night for as close to forever as she could make it, she would find herself - money or no - back in front of that cat walk. Her eyes following every step, shimmy and shake that he did while preforming. 

"Our eyes..... Our eyes.... Never!" His voice rang out clear and beautiful, the spikes of his snake bite piercing glistening under the strobe lights of Revelation. 

Lucilla had tried a few different clubs in the past year with Chandra, Cosmose was far to amateur, and Frizell's was far to country for her "hard core" tastes which Chandra was far to eager to agree upon, neither a huge fan of country to the degree Frizell's required. Revelation however was a mix of dance, techno, country, just a little bit of everything to make it client friendly for everyone who might drift their way inside as she had. 

She watched as he finished singing, a slight shine of sweat and glitter across his face, chest and arms. It was easy to tell the outfit he dawned for his show was custom made. She vaguely remembered Miss Allie's introduction before he took to the stage, something about how he made his own coats, would be a regular and how he was Rev's King of Kings - whatever that meant. His fine features shaped with a slight line of facial hair just along the jaw bone and up the center of his chin, enough to claim facial hair but not enough to run fingers through and not a full beard that rubbing cheeks or kissing would be irritating. He had definition in his arms and shoulders but not overly buff which was nice, she could picture herself feeling comforted and protected without feeling suffocated and strangled. His black creeper shoes shined against the black and gold pants he wore and his jacket made of duct tape, spikes, chains and feathers with a bit of glitter, sequins and other shiny objects along the collar gave him a unique look against the rest that had gone up in their formal or plain sequined outfits. 

Lucilla wasn't one to get drunk, all through her early adulthood, highschool, and college she would drink, spending hundreds - not always her own money either - and still be completely sobber but the end of it. Her tiny 110 pound frame could take drinking like a man often surpassing them in the end even. Sighing she rose from her table going back to the bar to order another cocktail This is now 4 cocktails too many. 

"Another White Freezie please" I shouted over the music, handing over a crisp $10 bill. 

She was handed back her change followed by her drink, the glass was fairly tall filled mostly with Ice and a little bit of her cocktail and topped with a Red freezie this time - each time she ordered she got different coloured freezies - and a slice of orange. Taking the Orange off she set it on a napkin on top of the bar before taking a sip and heading back to her table where Chandra had remained after she cut herself off as she was already feeling the effects of the alcohol. 

"I wish i could drink like you love. So much cheaper on the wallet" she sighed looking at her long time best friend causing me to break out in a smile as i sat my drink down on the table. 

The show was only half over and the time on my cell phone read just after midnight, the dance floor was given to the people for the time being while the performers changed for the next set. As I sat down at the table I glanced out onto the dance floor, a few guys and girls mostly dancing in groups surrounded my chair and the cat walk the performers used. A smile crossed my face as a flash of green light reflected off a silver spike through the crowd of sweaty club dancers. Taking a long drink i watched him work his way through the crowd talking, laughing and generally having a great time. 

"15 Minutes before our next set; Can i get all the entertainers into the dressing room please that's all entertainers thank you" 

Lucilla shifted in her seat facing Chandra while trying to discretely watch him as he made his way around the dance floor, either choosing to ignore the page or perhaps honestly not hearing it at all. 

"So how long are you going to stay here with me? You gotta work tomorrow?" I shouted over the music although i didn't get an answer before a voice was over the speakers again but the nodding told me that Chandra probably was in fact working tomorrow though I didn't catch when she was going to be heading out. 

"Can we get Adam to the dressing room please? Adam to the dressing room. 5 minutes to show time! Remember the Bar is still open!" 

Is that his name? Adam? I smiled as I whispered his name, watching him walk from the dance floor and disappear behind the various walls within Revelation, willing it to burn itself into my mind so as to not forget. 

After two more performances Chandra stood gathering her belongings, standing Lucilla gave her a brief hug as she watched some stranger walk up to the end of the catwalk and hand Miss Allie what looked to be a five dollar bill, tipping her for her performance. "Be safe getting home; I'm going to stay a bit longer" I kissed Chandra on the cheek giving her another quick hug before sitting back down giving my full attention back to the stage. I wonder if i should tip him, how much is too much, how little is not enough? 

The rest of the night passed without much action; the entertainers continued their performances and I had managed to drink another three drinks. After the show ended shortly before one in the morning, I gathered up the remaining items and downed the last of my drink before heading for the door, both looking forward to and dreading the bike ride home. I didn't see much reason to stick around while a bunch of drunk people pretended to dance and dry humped on the dance floor. Stopping by the security office on the way out I made sure to grab my helmet and side bag before leaving completely. 

The fresh air was a welcoming relief to the warm stuffy interior of the bar, most people were still inside but there was at least two groups talking at the steps to the club while smoking. One group even had a few of the entertainers talking excitedly about upcoming shows and what was good or bad in tonights show. Walking down the steps careful not to bump into anyone i headed over to my bike; a 2011 Hyosung GV650C. The red shone dark while the streetlights reflected off the various silver sections. It wasn't my dream bike by far but it got me from point A to point B and that was good enough. Strapping the side bag to the back of the bike I threw my leg over, twisting my long black hair up into the helmet before revving the bike up. At the first kick the various groups looked up causing me to flush, thankful that the bike helm was dark and the shade down. Yeah its mine people. Reaching up I lifted the shade since it was after midnight and dark enough, something about me riding a bike always made me flush with embarrassment though I could never figure out why, whether it was the looks I was given or because after I had first gotten the bike I had constantly heard the whispers about how I couldn't possibly be the owner of said bike. After all bikes are loud, flashy, heavy and a lot of people misjudged me believing me to be the exact opposite; quiet, subdued and possibly a work-a-holic book worm. The thought always made me laugh mostly because I knew i was a bit of both stereotypes.

Throwing the kick stand up she turned the bike and head out into the night thankful to be away from the loud music and the eyes watching her. A smile splitting across her flushed face as she recalled one pair of light sky blue eyes shining while watching her pull out, light refecting off all the piercings including one she hadn't realized at first, above the right eye at the end of his eyebrow. The whole ride home was as uneventful as the last half of the evening; but one thing she knew was true, as soon as she got home she would be messaging Chandra and planning for the following "Friday Fierce" at Revelation including working up the nerve to pay homage to him and probably a few others just because she didn't want to look like she had a favourite even though she did. 

"Home safe and sound, looking forward to next week, you're coming with me again right?!" 

I quickly hit send before backing out, I had no problems inviting my friend out, in fact I often spent time hanging with Chandra whenever we could meet up but it was different somehow, like it was a dirty little secret that had to be written down on paper that would explode upon reading it and erased from all memories quickly afterwords. I didn't expect a replay - thinking she was already in bed most likely asleep - which is why when my laptop dinged and a message was flashing just two simple words at me, I had to stop and think for a second what it was in regards too. 

"Sure, when?" 

Sure When? What?! Oh!!! Uh crap.... 

"Uhh, Ten? I can meet you there; I'll bring the spare helm if you wanna stay later?" 

Even as I hit send i knew it sounded like i was begging, i could easily picture Chandra shaking her head as she read over the last message that was sent through. A smile forming across her face as she typed a response back. I held my breath both dreading and fearing what Chandra would say. It was obvious that Chandra found it rather humourous and it seemed like she was purposely delaying her answer; how long could a simple "yes" or "no" take, really. 

"if i don't have to work the Saturday i suppose i could stay longer; when were you planning on leaving. Are you actually going to talk to Adam this time?" 

I released my breath as i reread what Chandra had sent. It took a few reads before i figured that Chandra must be picking on me and couldn't help but to laugh at how - without even needing to say anything - Chandra had picked up on exactly everything I had felt and thought that night. It's scary how she can do that. 

Shaking her head she looked back at the conversation and was starting to type when a simple "Its getting late, i still have to work, good night Lucilla" was sent through. Quickly deleting her message she responded back with her usual "goodnight love, sweet dreams". Looking at the clock she was shocked to see it reading 2:03 in bright red numbers. It hadn't taken her long to get home and the quick conversation hadn't taken that much time but somehow in the excitement of planning she had lost half an hour of her early morning. To wired to sleep but too tired to do much else she curled up with a cup of coffee and her laptop, opened a note and submitted a journal entry of her night out. Surprised at herself for actually enjoying the clubbing night even if she had to do it without the drinking, it was worth doing again.


	2. Chapter 2

The beeping of the alarm going off woke me up, 7:15 flashed with each annoying pulse. Sighing I reached across hitting the off button. Its not like i had a reason to be up so early, I didn't work and all my friends were busy. The movement had upset my tiny four legged sleeping partner though and the wagging tail while she ran in circles told me not to fall back asleep; she needed out. Throwing my legs over the edge of the bed I threw my feet into my slippers before grabbing the nearest housecoat. 

"Just on the balcony this morning" I mumbled, I hated putting my puppy on the balcony but I was in no mood to dress and go down six floors after only having a few hours sleep I recall the clock showing 4:48, did i look after that? I know i at least got two hours sleep i guess, maybe less. I turned on the coffee pot as i walked through the kitchen to the balcony door. A habit I had gotten into recently - filling the coffee pot while awake the night before so i wouldn't need to go without coffee in the morning being to tired to set it up and one thing anyone knew about me if nothing else, was that i needed my coffee like a person needed to breathe.

Outside was a beautiful day, if not a little overly warm, for only seven in the morning. The sun was already fully in the sky and not a single cloud was blocking its rays. Wind blew softly through her hair, its breeze warm as it embraced her, turning she went back into the kitchen pulling down her biggest coffee mug and filling it adding her usual three scoops of sugar and a bit of creamer just enough to turn it a nice tan colour. She walked back around to the balcony letting Diamonde in before stepping outside herself sitting in the chair she kept out. With the birds chirping softly and a hot fresh coffee by her side she let her mind wonder to the night previous. She knew she'd be going back, only a week to get though and only a few days of that time would involve her working, being part-time employed left her with a lot of down time and only 10-20 hours occupied with work out of her entire week. Some days she was glad for it, others she hated. 

I'd be so much happier if i could get more hours, wouldn't have to worry much about money either. The thought of money reminded me that i still had rent to pay this month, i was only a few days late as per usual, but my bank account was a few hundred dollars short of a full months rent. Sometimes i had trouble making ends meet, but somehow i always managed to pull through. 

All the previous boyfriends had made it difficult to stay on top of things; the most resent one had in some ways been the worst of the five she had. He worked maybe a total of two years out of the six she dated him, spent more money then made and never did anything around the house. She had struggled then and made things work but after an eviction from the home she had spent the past three years in, things had to change. She got her own place, told him he needed to smarten up or get out. After a year, nothing had changed and when it came to men or pets on top of the rest, she would pick the pet hands down. Sometimes she regretted it, He was her first true love, she had never felt with him as she had with others and so she forced herself trying to make it work, in the end she realized that if she was to go forward and not be held back, he had to go.

She had spent a whole two years hating herself and dreaming of happier times; after he left she shut herself off from everyone, her family was lacking in the support category filling their conversations with "i told you so's" and "bout time's". Her friends didn't know what to do for her, how to help and eventually her depression just made them depressed, and they stopped coming around. Through out all of it, Lucilla was reminded of one thing; She had only two fully one-hundred precent supporting friends; Diamonde of course and Chandra. Not to say Chandra had nothing to say about it, she always told it like it was, no sugar coating anything, it might have been one of the only reasons the two were so inseparable, they could say or do anything and still manage to work through it and have the other understand completely in the end. 

Taking me out, that was her way of getting me to let go It all made sense really, after thinking about it; Chandra hated when i dropped into a slump, it always caused a bit of tension between us, the club was an escape, to pull me back into the real world. I guess it worked i laughed as i stood, the birds had long since stopped their morning songs, and i had finished my coffee. Grabbing the empty cup i went inside, ready to face a new day.   
The rest of the week went by rather quickly with only two four hour shifts at work and nothing planned the rest of the week, my days remained completely uneventful – Thursday couldn't come quick enough. Chandra had spent a lot of her days working at her job leaving me with literally nothing to do throughout the week on my days off, i usually kept the apartment tidy - a novel thing that i had wanted to uphold in all my previous relations but it’s surprising how quickly motivation disappears when the other party isn't at all responsible or determined to help maintain a clean living environment – or anything else for that matter, even kids will sometimes help when you ask them too. 

Really its quite amazing how much money one can save by being on their own, less food, no one else spending all your hard earned cash, only bills to worry about are your own, Lucilla had gone from always being in debt living pay check to pay check whenever she was with someone. It was then she vowed that she would not take roommates or live with a boyfriend again until she was ready for the mother-life feel. 

By Wednesday night i was eager to be back at Revelation, i set out the clothing that i would wear, something dark and sexy but not skimpy or slutty, after all i wanted to impress but not demand attention. Sending Chandra a quick message to confirm the time i would be picking her up, i spent the rest of the afternoon preparing; showering, testing on the different outfits i was debating to wear; two skirts were too short, one was too long, that top didn't match, this one didn't have the right feel. After a good two hours i finally decided on something simple, black knee length leggings, with a black skirt from tripp topped with a simple black and red corset, the final touch being my babies – a part of knee high 6 inch platform boots decked out in chains, spikes and buckles. Nothing dangerous but it they still looked it and as much as i loved them i had hoped that he might like them as well.

Pulling up outside Chandra’s home I looked at the clock, 9:42.. great I’m early sighing I turned the bike off, walking up to the front door and rang the doorbell. By all accounts the chances of her being ready we’re slim and even less likely was that she had heard the doorbell chime. Turning the door handle I smiled – unlocked. Pushing the door open I stepped just inside into the hallway. 

“Chandra?” My voice sounded through the whole house loud and clear. A thump was heard quickly after words, not long after Chandra’s long blonde hair was visible as she hurried up the steps. 

“You’re early! You’re never early” Chandra called as she quickly grabbed a few more bites of what appeared to be her dinner probably slightly cold by the shudder and face that crossed Chandra’s appearances. 

“well I am today, I didn't think I’d get here till 10 … sorry, We’ll order fries and grab some sushi on the way if you’re ready otherwise?” The look Chandra gave Lucilla clearly stated that she understood the ploy she was trying to pull, besides what was the chance that somewhere would be open with sushi. Shaking her head Chandra gave Lucilla a quick smile before turning running back downstairs. 

“Oh you know you’re buying fries!” she called, after a few bangs and shuffling she came back carrying her purse and a her own personal helmet. “Got it so I didn't need to keep borrowing your loaner helm. Not that I don’t trust you, I do but I don’t trust those others you ride with …” 

“like Kimberly” without missing a beat we both started laughing as we finished her previous statement in unison. 

Chandra and Kimberly hated each other for each their own various reasons and Lucilla tried to do anything to keep both friendships without causing trouble between the girls; often resulting in multiple parties just so the two wouldn't have to meet and make things uncomfortable, but the problem wasn't on Chandra’s side, sure it was pretty equal but Kimberly just ticked with some people, she had a way with pushing everyone’s buttons; friends, family, co-workers and most of Lucilla's friends and family members included.   
Wiping a the tears that had formed in my eyes from laughing I threw my helmet back on twisting my hair up inside once more; I always preferred my hair up out of the way when biking instead of whipping around my face and shoulders. I nodded to Chandra as I turned heading outside. I knew she wouldn't but much longer before she followed me out, her helmet firmly in place. I maneuver the bin on the back of my bike in such a way that Chandra could sit on the back seat without it digging into her lower back. Really the bin could be such a pain - in more ways then one - and if you hit a bump wrong, you could guarantee a bruise will cross your whole lower back from where it would hit. Soon after i re-hitched the bin Chandra was standing beside me hair twisted up into her helmet as well. 

"Ready to move?" I laughed as she mirrored the same words that were in my mind at that precise moment. 

"Lets go, hold on tight" Smiling I revved my bike pulling out of her driveway and heading straight downtown to Revelation. 

Pulling up just outside the doors, Lucilla quickly noted the time - 10:18 - before she cut the engine on her bike, music could be heard from inside the building. She waited while Chandra climbed off before tilting the bike, kicking the stand out and getting off herself. Unhooking the bin from the back of her bike. 

“Nice! 12 minutes before the show starts, hurry up Chandra!” I turned heading up the small set of steps taking my helmet off as i went not even looking back to ensure that Chandra was in fact following. By the double set of footsteps i could hear i just assumed she was with me. 

Inside the door Jazmin asked for their ID’s while taking Lucilla’s bin and helmet to keep in lockup. She quickly handed her their IDs while handing Chandra a five dollar bill 

“You want to order the fries while I get our table?” i knew exactly what table i wanted and it looked to be free surprisingly enough; granted there was only a handful of people present, most tended to show up after 11 at night. I turned heading straight for the same table i sat at the previous time i was at rev. It had a direct view of the cat walk while still being off slightly to leave room on the dance floor. 

Tonight is the night she slipped her wallet out of her purse looking through all the change pulling out a few toonies. As the night wore on; she had given a few toonies to each of the various entertainers; she realized she had yet - although she had watched two of his previous performances - to give Adam his homage; As he went up she couldn't help smile at the full glittering gold dress coat he wore; there was glitter outlining his left eye and the first few notes told her what song he was singing - this was it. Shifting through her wallet once more she pulled out a ten dollar bill folding it twice in her hands to make it fairly small before steeling herself. This is it, Suck it up and do it! She mentally berated herself making sure she was fully prepared for what she was about to do; she held the note in her hand covering the whole thing before walking to the end of the cat walk. She had planned on only giving five but her wallet was only filled with quarters, tens and a few other small change, as well as a single twenty. 

"My one and own, I wanna get you alone, Give you a fever ... fever, yeah." 

I held my hand out to him as he got closer but he ignored it; choosing instead to make a show of me. He lowered himself running his hand along my face; warm and strong. I felt a shiver run down my spine as he continued to put me on the spot; feeling the music I started to shake my hips running my right hand daringly up his muscular chest before drawing it back down the ten still clutched between my thumb and palm after a few seconds of shifting my hips, along with his wondering hands he grabbed my right hand, kissing the back of it as i released the bill into his grasp. As i turned, my left hand went up around the back of his neck above my head while i continued to rock my hips; rubbing myself in between his spread legs as was still crouched bent at the knees, before i felt a push against my back - his hand had just enough pressure on my shoulder to shove me away from him. Smiling I winked over at Chandra who had started on her second drink that night. 

Chandra couldn't help hiding a smile behind her Smirnoff bottle, chuckling slightly at Lucilla's embarrassing display of emotions as she danced with Adam. Chandra watched as her friend slowly started shaking her hips; her arm wrapping briefly around his neck as she danced putting on a show. She's probably forgotten that everyone can see her shaking her head she chuckled again as Lucilla rubbed her hands across his chest, instead of just handing him the bill, she was happy that Lucilla was actually doing something towards him instead of being a silent stalker hiding in the corner of the club but there was a very fine line between what she was doing and dry humping a pole, where Adam would be the pole. As she watched on, she saw the brief peck on her friends hand before she turned shaking her hips between his legs right before a force sent her forward towards their table Oh great, he pushed her away lifting her bottle to her lips to hide her smile she looked up thinking her friend would be hurt by the shove instead she was sent a quick wink as Lucilla returned to the table. 

"Oh My God! Did you see that?!? Oh God, Chandra you have no idea! He's so warm and strong and he smelt sooo good! I can NOT believe i did that; i actually forgot where i was for a second" 

"Oh trust me, i think i realized that before you did!" 

It didn't take much for me to break out laughing as Chandra confirmed my fears, it wasn't long after that she followed me either as we continued to laugh, Adam had finished his number and they were calling the next individual to the stage before we got our laughter under control. 

"So you uh, felt him up quite nicely Luc...." 

"Chandra!" I chuckled softly to myself "yeah i suppose i did didn't i?" 

I could feel my face heating up again; i was pretty sure that my face was bright neon red when i was dancing, and under the lights it was easy for it to shine; now at the table off to the side the lights didn't reach us but i could feel my face flush and my blood boil. Both at the comment from Chandra and the memory of his muscles taunt under my palm. My hand twitched slightly remembering the feel easily. 

"So... Notice anything?" 

Chandra's question threw me off; the weirdness of her quote caused me to think about what had just happened - all of it - and see if i could guess what she was referring to. Notice anything? Like what, what am i suppose to have noticed? The crowd or the different things that went around me while we danced. 

"I don't get it" I turned back to Chandra puzzled. 

"Really?? You don't get it?" 

It was obvious that Chandra seemed to know something; and she wouldn't be telling me what that something was. Shaking my head a turned looking back to the stage watching the next set come to a close. Adam had long since disappeared from the floor; and Miss Allie had signaled the end of the set leaving the dance floor to the bar goers. Signaling to Chandra i grabbed my purse and we headed outside for fresh air and to get away from the music. I stopped briefly as i looked at the crowd of people already outside. 

"Didn't realize so many others were out here" smiling at Chandra we stepped off to the side out of the way, the pulsing of the music easily heard outside as we leaned against the wall. "So are you really not going to tell me love? What was i suppose to notice?!" her answering laughter was enough to tell me that i would get no where. 

"Fine; be that way. So when are we going home? You going to stay and get a ride back?" it was an obvious change of topic but at this point i couldn't help feeling slightly irritated and wanted to get away from that it was a great night so far and i wasn't going to let a fun joke ruin it for both of us. 

"I don't know; you know i hate when you drive after drinking; i know you say it doesn't effect you but i still worry - i might just head out soon and bus" 

Sighing i nodded, Chandra was a strong believer in many things; to the point she was often considered very stubborn and there was no chance of arguing or trying to convince her otherwise when she set her mind to something

"What if i give you $15 for a cab?" She took a minute before answering me; a look of quite thought crossing her features. "its a simple question you know" I said sticking my tongue out at her. I started to laugh a little when she nodded as if she had come to a decision after much deep consideration before sticking her tongue out at me and nodding softly

"fine; I'll cab, but i have my own money since I'm not going to drink anymore" 

"You never let me buy you stuff; cabs, drinks, you always beat me to it" i frowned my lower lip pouting as i looked at her

Throwing her arm around my shoulders Chandra laughed, "Don't pout, i can do it better remember" her simple statement was so true i couldn't hold my pout before i started laughing with her, my arm along her lower back as we headed back inside; the next set had been called as we made it back to our table.


	3. Chapter 3

Returning to Revelation constantly had made it so that the various employees had started to recognize me; It probably wasn't a good thing to be going so often and to be recognized. A lot of them commented on the lack of boots or the “plain” outfits that I sometimes wore having gotten so used to seeing my babies and some of my more “exotic” outfits. My trip in today was no different than those; having headed straight from work I showed up at Revelation just after 9:45 in plain black dress pants, a red t-shirt and my typical 2 inch heel ankle work boots. 

Walking through the doors I took my helmet off pulling my ID from my bag handing it to Amy at the security office. 

“Where’s the outfit? The boots? I don’t like you like this!” 

I smiled, laughing inside at the outburst it was obvious she was joking but she was probably a little upset still to see me in something so normal. 

“Came from work; didn't have time to grab them, Next week I promise” 

I grabbed my card back from her handing her my helmet to store in the little room. I held my left arm out; palm up so she could stamp the inside of my wrist with the “checked ID stamp”. Grabbing my wallet from my bag I left that with Amy as well as I went to the bar looking around at the small crowd of maybe eight people besides the employees. 

“Spicy Curly fries; white freezie and a Bud Lime” 

“What? No boots again today?” 

I laughed shaking my head; when I show up in my “get-up” I barely get any looks from the regulars and employees, I show up without and they can’t stop asking me what’s up. Although the reverse could be said for Adam; without the boots I was ignored by him but with I got a fair bit of attention. 

“Came from work” I answered handing her my 20 to cover the order; it was my usual start up order to get the night going; I had started ordering both drinks at the same time that way when I finished my cocktail I already had my beer and wouldn't have to order again for a bit; it usually tied me over until the show was about to start; then Id order one when they called on the system that the show is starting shortly. It just made things go a bit quicker. 

I smiled to myself, grabbing my usual table. As close to ‘front and center’ as possible – where you love to be; center stage I couldn't help remembering Chandra’s comment from the previous week. The lights reflecting in her eyes as she stuck her tongue out at me showing she was clearly joking but all kidding aside; we both knew it held a fraction of the truth. I would be very happy center stage – to have all eyes on me, light shining around me as I did something I was good at; which personally I’d say was nothing but I’d love if I could act, sing, dance, preform. I want some Fame – just not fortune. Enough people to know about me but not so it was like “oh my god it’s Lucilla can I have an autograph!” and no privacy, cameras going off in my face “she’s eating fried chicken now look how wide her mouth is!” NO THANKS! I want enough where I can say “Hey I’m known, Come see me.” And maybe change some things an icon of something that makes people go “oh hey; she’s this maybe I should look into that, it sounds great” It’s a big dream, and one id never achieve but as a whole; it’s a dream not a goal. 

My fries were placed in front of me; my White freezie half gone already. I nodded my head thanks to the bar tender as she walked away leaving me to eat in peace as I picked up a few fries. I wonder if anyone will come today. I hate coming here alone. 

“Grab yourselves a cocktail; the show starts in 15! Can I get all performers to the dressing room please, that’s all performers to the dressing room Thank you.” 

I already have a cocktail – its nearly gone; and I have my beer so no worries there I thought as I looked around for Ms. Allie to see if she was out from the back room announcing; you never knew exactly where she was or what she was wearing; each time she announced she was in a new outfit and when she performed it was another outfit all together. You could be sitting and next thing you know she’s standing beside you, mic in your face asking you questions. 

I noticed a few of the female performers get up from the bar as they headed into the dressing room; Adam was still walking around talking, ignoring the page all together as is his usual. I smiled lifting a fry to my mouth to hide my smirk as my eyes followed him; I noticed he was carrying a jug with money in it. I quickly swallowed as he came up to me, his smell wrapping itself around me like a warm blanket on a cold night. 

“Ticket… 50/50…” “I’m sorry? It’s hard to hear” I leaned closer to him; partly because I couldn't hear him but mostly because I just wanted to lean in closer. 

“Yeah, it’s louder than normal” he shouted leaning forward so his head was by my ear, “I’m selling tickets for the 50/50 draw” 

I nodded pulling back fighting the frown I wanted to display at the distance I had put between us; grabbing my purse I pulled out my wallet only to realize I had no idea what the prices were I grabbed a $10 bill thinking it would at least cover whatever it was.  
“How many did you want?” I gave him a puzzled look as I handed him the ten  
“It’s three Dollars for one ticket or Five for Three” 

I was sure I heard wrong; five tickets for three dollars, that’s an amazing deal. I pulled out the coin I had sliding it across the table. The look of confusion crossed his face again before leaning in 

“Sorry its three tickets for five dollars” 

I laughed slightly feeling a blush cross my face; I figured I heard wrong and I did. I nodded handing him the ten again showing three fingers so he knew I was doing the three tickets for five and that I understood him that time. He laughed reaching into his pitcher of money handing me a five dollar bill and proceeded to rip me off three tickets from the roll he had. I have no idea what the draw is for and as embarrassing as it was at least I got to speak to him. I couldn't help feeling a little foolish as he walked away from me and I looked at the little red stubs I held in my hand. 

“Welcome ladies and Gentleman to Club Revelation where every Friday night we get fierce entertainers to share their talents with you. Are you having fun tonight?” 

A small amount of cheers went up; granted there was only a handful of people present but from previous nights I knew that it wasn't going to be good enough. 

“I asked if you’re having fun.” 

I was right; I screamed as much as I could, it was slightly louder this time then the first. I stopped short to take a swig of my bud light lime drink, my cocktail long since gone. 

“Well I know this lady is having a good time! What’s your name love?” I nearly choked on my drink as Ms. Allie walked up to my chair smiling at me her mic in my face. 

“Lucilla” My voice sounded weak echoing throughout the bar. 

“Well Lucilla, looks like you’re having a good time, what’s your cocktail” 

“Uh... White freezie” Ms. Allie’s chuckle sounded around the room. 

“You left your freezie, let me see you suck on that” 

I felt a blush cross my face as I reached to my empty cocktail glass, grabbing out the red freezie that sat amongst the ice, putting it to my mouth I stuck my tongue out testing the flavour at the tip before drawing it fully into my mouth, closing my eyes at the chill of the flavoured ice before drawing it back out licking my lips. Ms Allie was still watching me as I opened my eyes she laughed again 

“Looks like someone has had practice, much like our first entertainer of the night, everyone give it up for my girl, my daughter Amber” I put the freezie back in the empty glass before clapping and cheering with the rest as Ms. Allie walked away so Amber could take to the stage. 

I was never a huge fan of the actual freezie often giving it to Chandra if she managed to join me. I watched as a skinny girl in a pair of knee high boots walked up onto the catwalk, she wore a short skirt, a black tank top and a white blouse. She almost looked like a school girl or Brittany spears but my eyes stayed at the end of the stage locked onto a black jacket with spiked shoulders, chains dangling from the left and feathers hanging off the right. Black pants with gold strips down the side of each leg had small chains as well every few inches dangling in sections that looked to be cut out from the fabric. His usual creepers polished and shined poked out from under his slightly baggy pants and his black wife beater clung to his torso as sweat and glitter shined of his chest and face. He looked ready for a wild night. 

So doing another kick ass song I thought to myself as i watch him take a swig of his Budwiser, eyes focused on Amber doing her number oblivious to my watching him. Without realizing it his eyes turned and looked my way. I flushed and quickly looked away, grabbing my drink hoping he hadn't caught me staring. 

"Give it up for the slut of the night... I mean Amber!" I choked back a laugh as i clapped as Amber left the stage and Miss Allie started to MC again. "Shes so going to pee in my suit case later tonight" she chuckled into the mic. "Is everyone having a good time?" A few screams went throughout the room, having become a regular i knew it wouldn't be good enough, counting to three i waited and sure enough not to disappoint "I asked if everyone is having a good time?!" Miss Allie exclaimed into the mic a little louder. Joining a few others we all cheered "That's better! Because we have one more act to this set before the dance floor is yours, do you want to see another act!?!" Smiling i cheered probably a little louder then i needed to, from the huge mouthful of beer i saw Adam take i knew he was next up. "Everyone give it up for our last act of this set, Adam Lambert!" Miss Allie walked off the stage as the music started up. I smiled as i recognized the song Adam was dancing too; singing along with the lyrics as he did his thing on stage. It wasn't long before there was at least six people lined up as the first verse started

"There he goes, my baby walks so slow, Sexual Tic-tac-toe" He moved to the front of the stage his hand out receiving the tips people handed to him; dancing with a few and grabbing the coins with his mouth as others held it in their lips "Yeah i know we both know it isn't time, no" he turned hand outstretched and if i wasn't sitting i probably would have fallen over "But could you be M-Mine?" I turned taking a huge drink of my Beer long since finished everything else on the table. I sighed grabbing my wallet, did i want to attempt it again, Every time i did it was getting more and more expensive on my pocket. The tip amounts were slowly going up each time i tipped Adam. First it was a dollar, then two dollars, lately it had been five dollars. I refused to let it get higher then that. As i opened my wallet i noticed a single five dollar bill; without thinking i grabbed it out, folded it up til it was a small rolled up billed and headed to the end of the cat walk. 

"Oh baby lights on but your mums not home, I'm sick of laying down alone" Adam walked up to the end of the walk way, stepping down on the step as his arm snaked around my waist. "With this Fever, Fever" I was pretty sure i was shaking as i dragged my hand slowly across his chest sliding the bill down his shirt and trailing my hand just slightly as his other hand wrapped around my neck then up my face as i tilted my head back breathing heavier then i probably should have been. " Yeah, My one and own i wanna get you alone..." I looked up at him and stepped back as his hand came down to the nape of my neck pushing slightly "Give you fever fever Yeah!" I returned to my table quickly grabbing my drink and finishing the last of what was in the bottle. My heart was pounding so fast and hard i was sure everyone around me heard it loud and clear, a few looks i got after words make me believe even more that they could hear it but my sensible side reminded me that it was hardly ever the case. I grabbed a new bill from my wallet and walked to the bar as he finished up his set and Miss Allie announced that the dance floor was ours. 

The wave of relief that swept over me was shocking as the bar went darker, the house lights dimmed and the music came on, along with the strobe lights. I ordered my drink although i didn't usually drink during the break usually saving it for when the next set started up, turning i looked towards the dance floor only my eyes caught sight of Adam talking to a new entertainer whose name i couldn't remember. I took a sip eyes on the two talking before i saw Adam smile and look at me before walking up. I was suddenly very thankful for how dark it was and having a beer in my hand to hide my face behind. 

"Thank you!" He called leaning close so id hear over the music blaring in the club. I smiled unsure why he was thanking me. 

"You're welcome" I hoped he hadn't heard the uncertainty in my voice as i responded. 

"So no spiked boots today?" I laughed 

"No, came from work; also a little too big on me" 

"That's too bad, those boots were hot" He signaled to the bar tender behind me most likely ordering another drink as he turned back to me. 

"If you want them, they're yours" I'm not really sure what crossed my mind but the words were already out. 

"Seriously?!" The look of pride and shock that crossed his features made it worth telling him. I recalled Miss Allie saying during one of the speeches before the introduction that the following week was Adams birthday show and how she expected everyone to be present. It was a decision i had made then that i could maybe surprise Adam with the boots since the first night i wore them it was obvious that he had wanted and loved them. Just the week before when i had worn them last Adam had said how badly he wanted them and without thinking i had asked his shoe size only to realize the boots would probably fit him better then they did me. 

"Yeah, they are a little beat up, but if they fit, they're yours" i answered smiling brightly. Before i even finished my sentence i was wrapped up in a hug 

"Do you want anything for them?" His voice cracked, if i hadn't seen his face i would have thought he was crying "What size are they anyway?" 

My hand was wrapped around his neck "They're a seven i think, you said you were like a six and a half, seven right?" I couldn't help moving my thumb just a little as i teased the little hairs at the base of his neck, "So they should be ok. And all i ask is that you wear them." I squeezed my hand a little in a reassuring grasp on his neck as i realized that i was moving my thumb. I quickly dropped my hand after before i did something else stupid. "Keep doing what you do, and just, wear them" I smiled at him as he pulled me into another tight hug 

"Oh my god thank you so much" He pulled back slightly putting his hands up to his mouth hopping a little in excitement "you have no idea how happy you've just made me" He quickly wrapped me in another tight hug. I couldn't help the massive smile that crossed my face at the excitement he was displaying, like i kid taken to somewhere they really wanted to go and got told 'you can get whatever you want'. 

"I'll give them to you after since i need them for something but i had planned to see about giving them to you on your birthday here" i answered i had to say or do something, the sudden urge to kiss him was making it hard to think straight and i definitely did not want to ruin whatever it was we had going. It was our first real talk and i wasn't going to mess it up by doing something extremely stupid. 

"I'm uh, gunna go have a smoke" I smiled at him as i picked up my beer from the nearby table. "but the boots are seriously yours" I turned to leave as i lifted the beer to my lips arms wrapped around me from behind. 

"Thank you, Thank you so much" He whispered into my ear. I turned my hand grabbing his neck and resting his forehead against mine. 

"You're welcome" I smiled. I dropped my hand and quickly walked away, leaving my beer at the table by the door as i stepped outside. After such close proximity and damn near kissing him i needed to cool off as quickly as possible. 

Grabbing a smoke from the pack in my pocket Lucilla searched for her lighter, knowing as the last ten minutes replayed in her head that her face was bright red. She light her smoke taking a huge drag and letting it out slowly she sighed. My first smoke in three months She thought blowing the smoke at the cherry watching it burn a bright red. God what the hell was i thinking. Heading down the steps to the parking lot she sat upon a stone slab in the parking lot, resting her elbows on her knees and letting her hands dangle in between her legs. 

"You'll be fine, Honestly Tommy" 

I shifted slightly as i looked up to see Adam walking out with the new kid at his heels, after our close encounter i would easily be able to tell his voice anywhere now. I lifted my smoke dropping my head slightly to take a drag praying with all hope that he wouldn't notice me sitting there. 

I quickly finished my smoke and headed back inside. Somehow being close to Adam just made me feel all fluttery inside and i both loved and hated it. I went to the bar grabbing another beer as Miss Allie announced that the next set was starting in just five minutes. I took a seat at the table i had been at all night watching everyone dance on the floor and some even brave enough to go onto the cat walk. 

As the lights turned back on i turned in my seat facing the stage once more as Miss Allie announced that the show was starting up once more, Tommy and Adam walked past my table just as Miss Allie stepped onto the stage as the boys took their seats across the room from where i was sitting. Any time i caught his eyes he would smile this beautiful full mouth smile that i couldn't help but return. What it was infectious. We now shared a secret that no one else knew and that is what made this smile perfect, it was all mine. I turned my gaze back to Miss Allie as she called Tommy up to the stage. This was the first time i had seen him preform, and although not my favourate performer i had to give the kid respect. He had amazing guts and some pretty stunning moves though his songs of choice could use some work.

The rest of the night went by fairly fast, a moment was shared briefly between Adam and i during a song he did, I know i had already tipped him earlier but since i stood right on the edge of the dance floor and he was notorious for jumping off and dancing with those around him i was pulled in a few more times and i always had to suppress a shudder at his whispered words of thanks the rest of the night whenever he could capture me for just a moment. I realized at this time that it was the start of a Beautiful new relationship; one of friendship, fun and understanding.

Getting home i threw my keys on the table dropping my purse to the ground as Diamonde ran up to me; jumping up on my legs in her usual way of greeting. 

"Hi girl, gotta go pee?" I keeled down petting her head as i walked around the living room, through the kitchen to the balcony door letting her out. I didn't think shed go since she usually was too excited when i first got in to actually do anything but it was worth a shot, i had been gone for around 12 hours by this point. Walking into the kitchen i quickly set about heating up some left overs that were in my fridge; a small basket of fries just wasn't enough of a supper before heading to update photos and let those who worried know i had made it home ok. 

It was closer to four in the morning when Lucilla finally settled down for the night setting her alarm to go off at six forty-five as she had to be at work for seven thirty, it was a common Friday night by this point. As she curled up with Diamonde laying beside her on her to big queen bed she switched off her side lamp and cocooned herself within her comforter drifting off to sleep with a large smile on her face as she replayed the events of the night.


	4. Chapter 4

"You don't understand" I turned to Chandra, handing her a cup of a Vegan latte i had made. "We actually had a moment, He was sweet and kind, and his voice was so deep!" I quickly turned back to the coffee pot pouring my own drink as my friend giggled behind me. 

"Sure Luc, Whatever you say girl" 

I smiled at her again, my face was bright red i was sure of it; but i couldn't help at remembering the heat of his body wrapped around mine; the slight prickle of his facial hair as it pressed against my cheek. 

"Do you know he actually kissed my cheek?" I knew i was gushing, but it was like i was drunk or high, not that i knew what either of those felt like, but i had assumed it would probably feel something like how i felt any time i thought of his hugs, or the peck he gave me or even just when he spoke with me. 

"So you've said a hundred times! Luc Face it, you're in love with Adam. And i Cant believe you promised him your boots! You love those things. This better not be another ploy to get someone to like you. I remember the last time" 

"Yeah yeah i know, i gave up everything, did whatever the wanted and was left with nothing but a broken heart, but its different this time. He's different" I lead Chandra into the living room shoving my coat off the couch making room for us to sit down. "But i hardly wear the boots, you know this, they are slightly to big for me. Besides I'm sure they'll fit him. Plus i know he'll wear them." I stopped taking a sip of my coffee letting the warmth corse over me, it had started to get chilly as the Winter air turned crisp. Leaves had started to turn into bright shades of yellows, reds, and oranges, Snow was sprinkling slightly across the ground. Snow Storms were well on the way. 

"I still cant believe you did that, so uh. How are you going to give them to him?"

I choked on the mouthful of coffee i had taken, Shit haven't even thought about that. Chandra had taken a sip of her latte just causally watching me, her eyebrow raised slightly as i coughed. 

"No idea i take it?" 

I stared at her, "No" I answered looking down, How the hell does she do that. I cant even get a second to think up a little white lie, not that i would have. But really we spend way to much time together I chided myself at my train of thought. I loved my friend but it was spooky how she always managed to read my mind, knowing just about everything before i even had time to think of something else. 

"I haven't decided; i guess i could just give them to him. Or maybe i should tip them to him instead of money? But if i do that, how would i? Do i wear them or hand them to him on a platter or" My mind had started to race at all the possibility's i hadn't thought of originally. "I guess I'll talk to him and ask". The look that Chandra gave me told me she hadn't clued into that thought

"You? Talk to Adam? Really?" 

It was a long stretch, and any other time i would be thinking the same thing; but after our initial talk i felt more comfortable in doing so. Besides, its not like Chandra was there, she didn't see us form this whatever you might want to call it. 

"Yeah, You know, 'hey Adam, so i was thinking, how did you want me to give you the boots?'" I laughed as the look of shock quickly passed over Chandra's face before turning into her soft look once more. 

"Oh Luc. I would love to see that" She took another sip of her latte as i stuck my tongue out at her. We both knew that my saying it was so much more complicated than just actually saying i would do it. This is definitely one of those 'actions speak louder then words' scenarios, and we both knew it without having to say anything. 

Chandra left shortly after, with a mix between work and finishing up her university degree she hardly had much spare time, still meeting up from time to time for a quick coffee just to catch up and vent whenever need be assuming our schedules coincided. I had spent the rest of the time just cleaning up the apartment working out various scenarios for how i would get said boots from my closet to him in the best possible manner. You have almost a month or so, you're bound to think of something. At least, i hoped so. Part of me wanted to do the most basic thing; contact him outside of the bar and hand them over just a "here you go" but it didn't seem like that would be a possibility. By the end of the night i had realized that although i had previously said about speaking with Adam on how best to get them to him jokingly it was beginning to actually be the only possible answer to this question. I am going to have to speak with him; whatever the outcome he will need to be on the same page with me. Taking a deep breath i looked at the boots resting against the wall near my closet Next Friday i will have to speak with Adam. 

~*~ 

Although i had resigned myself to speaking with him; getting ready for bed Thursday night proved to me that my nerves were very much on end. In approximately twenty four hours i - Lucillia Gravillian - will be attempting to speak with Adam on the simple matter of getting my babies to him. A simple conversation that really wasn't all that hard but when mixing feelings, with actions, with a good looking individual on the other end, well you might as well have asked me to speak with the hottest celebrity while they were completely topless and uphold a fully functional adult conversation. Yeah cause that would ever happen. I like to think I'm pretty down to earth; a regular person who doesn't tend to over react. Often dreaming about the day id meet a celebrity and how i would treat them no differently then your average jane and joe off the street however i know my spontaneous side might just take over and make me act out all fan girl like. Chandra always said that i was almost exactly what my Sagittarius zodiac proclaimed me to be with a special twist making me just a little bit unpredictable which she of course tied in under the "Can be spontaneous" section of a Sagittarius sign. At 27 years of age the last 17 spent with Chandra by my side we've come to realize so much about each other. The best part being that we're constantly changing and surprising each other. I always thought if she had been a male she could have been my soul mate or life partner, whatever you might want to call it. 

Lucilla had fallen asleep in the early mornings; getting roughly five hours of sleep as per her usual sleep patterns. Between her mind racing on all the different possibilities with just the boot situation alone and her nine hour shift at work which started luckily for her in the afternoon followed by her heading to Revelation for a drink and - as she promised herself - to speak with Adam regarding the various ideas she found herself tossing and turning all night before drifting off at five am waking at ten to Diamonde licking her arm.

"Need to go out baby?" Lucilla whispered stretching. 

She rolled over, rubbing the sleep from her eyes before throwing her legs over the side of her bed sliding her feet into the dark fuzzy slippers that awaited. Nothing worse then stepping on the hard wood flooring first thing in the morning after being in your warm bed layered with three heavy blankets. Not to mention having a fuzzy body pressed against you while sleeping helping to keep you both warm with body heat. Standing she headed towards the door grabbing her housecoat as she passed her closet throwing her arms through the holes as she wrapped it around her, Diamonde following at her heels, tail wagging eagerly. 

"ok, ok, I'm going" 

As lucilla passed through the kitchen she turned the coffee pot on set up the night before as always before heading towards the balcony doors. She pulled them open as Diamonde jumped over the ledge and did her business. Leaving the door opened slightly Lucilla went back into the kitchen grabbing a large glass from her cupboard and loaded it with her usual four sugar and grabbing the creamer from the fridge went back closing the door to the balcony as Diamonde jumped back through. Grabbing the pot of coffee half perked she poured her coffee before grabbing a dog biscuit to treat Diamonde for asking to go out. She stirred her coffee pouring a small amount of creamer into turning the coffee from a black to a light Tan. Heading into the spare room Lucilla turned on her computer pulling up her usual sites, facebook, twitter, email and weather network for the area. Quickly verifying what the temperature would be for her bike ride to and from work as well as the expected for her trips to Revelation she planned out what she was going to wear while skimming through her email; deleting any junk and spam which was about three quarters of her thirty some odd emails. The ones that mattered we basic emails nothing of extreme importance, reminders mostly of upcoming events, birthday and other 'special' days. There was one email from an old friend just basically catching up after they had moved half way across the continent. Her daughter had settled down in her new school nicely, made lots of friends and was going to be a big sister. Her friend had confirmed she found a man and was looking to marry within two years and hoped that there would be a way for Lucilla to travel and visit, but most importantly to be part of the actual wedding ceremony. Wasting no time she quickly sent off a reply wishing well greetings in the pregnancy and wedding; explaining how she would love to be part of it however didn't see much way for her to be there as she was short on cash as a whole and really couldn't request much time off work but explained she would do her best if there was enough notice before the wedding. Smiling to herself for her friends success and happiness she pulled herself from the computer to get dressed. 

With two hours before she had to leave for work she returned to her computer to catch up on Facebook and Twitter. Its funny how just 6 hours can put you so far behind on these social media sites now-a-days never really could get into them but they are a great source of information. Within the hour Lucilla had caught up and updated her status simply stating her plans for the day on the chance that anyone had tried to find her; being a bit old school Lucilla didn't actually use her cellphone for much of anything; she could easily get by without it if others would just remember how to use a phone to call someone and schedule a meet up. Or actually use the media sites to find out whats going on or contact someone. The amount of people who use the pages for random information over actual productive information is actually quite astounding. Unless you're a business of course; so many people losing jobs because of something they have on their personal page, a belief, a status update or a stupid picture really in the end business' expecting you to keep private life and business work separate and then trying to fire you on something from a personal page is a little ridiculous but sadly it happens. One of the reasons Lucilla kept everything set to private - friends only. And of course didn't add anyone from work to her personal account. That's not to say she didn't have various accounts where she added people based on beliefs, status or interest; Each lifestyle had its own persona, its own account and its own set of friends just to keep things simple, separate and private - to each their own. Not to mention it made life just a little bit easier allowing an escape for all personalities instead of trying to lock away some part of who Lucilla Gravillian really is. 

Checking the clock Lucilla quickly grabbed her bag stuffing it with the items thrown across her bed of the various things shed need for tonight; make-up, change of clothes, proper boots - deciding to take her newest boots out for a test run, and of course her perfume to hide away and stench she may have built up over her course of biking between locations. Nothing worse then showing up somewhere looking hot only to smell like twenty decaying fish washed up to shore on a sweltering humid day beside a huge trash can. Yeah not a pretty thing to think about is it. She quickly did her bag up throwing it over her shoulder as she headed to the closet grabbing her studded leather jacket and tossing it into her bag along side everything else. She grabbed her helmet from its stand beside the door bending to pet Diamonde

"Be a good girl, I'll be home late tonight" 

She grabbed her keys from the hook as she opened the door, locking it behind her and heading to the elevator.


	5. Chapter 5

She still had thirty minutes easily before she had to be at work, however she tried to show up early whenever possible. If only to start just a little bit earlier so to pass over any details between splitting shifts. Plus you never knew what kind of traffic you'll encounter at lunch time. Lucilla's bike was still parked in its usual spot under the tree, three spaces down from the main entrance. She had bought a special storage space only ten minutes by bus if she ever needed the extra lock up or as its more often used during the winter months to lock her bike up. She had a beat up old car she tended to use during large group travels or major winter storms but she would get the most from her bike before anything else. Even during the smaller snowy periods she more commonly used the bus -if not her bike- over paying for her old car to roam the streets. If she didnt absolutely need it for various travesls she probably would have sold it a long time ago but the car was hers, actually it had belonged to her grandfather before he passed on which is probably why she never drove it. Its insurance alone was through the roof and that and it had a lot of sentimental value. Ol' Bettsy had her share of travel both before and after she had gotten her so many friends had tried to convince Lucilla to sell or use bets more often but she could never get the urge to abide by their beliefs being more content with the steel between her thighs and the wind blowing around her. 

The rush of adrenaline and danger on the lack of steel around me made it a thrill but i also felt more secure simply by the lack of material surrounding me. I had more control on the bike, like it was an extension of my being where as the care was like wearing your best friends fathers slightly larger clothes. It was uncomfortable, too big and it just didnt feel right. Not to mention it wasnt as personal as your own items designed and picked out as per your style but it did its job. However even knowing that didn't stop the brief thought on how much warmer the car would have been on my way to work this afternoon. Its amazing what 13 degrees celcius with a 53 MP/H wind chill can feel like when biking at 70 miles per hour. Even if it was only a ten minute ride to work, its coming back from Revelation at three in the morning that would really freeze. If it drops too much even though the website had said it would only be 10 degrees, the windchill in the end would be the final deciding factor. 

With 10 minutes to spare Lucilla pulled into the parking lot at work; grabbing the box off the back of her bike and setting up the security locks before shaking her hair out of her helmet as she headed into the building. Coworkers had all been shocked the first time she showed up taking off her bike helmet as she had tried at first to play the respectable business woman though that quickly died when they learned about her weekly visits to the clubs, No point holding false pretenses she figured plus the bike was much quicker then the constant busing she had done during the responsible business lady stage. She didn't miss it and her coworkers had gotten used to the helmet under her arm and leather jackets, the sweet Innocent business work-a-holic lady was no longer seen as such; much to Lucilla's delight. Saying her hellos as she passed each of her coworkers while she headed towards the back of the store into the lunch room dropping her helmet and belongings into her locker before grabbing her work clothes and heading towards the washrooms to change. Clocking in with five minutes to spare Lucilla headed towards her station at work; hidden in the far right hand corner sat a small section blocked off from the rest of the store where she would work with various orders that customers placed. She loved her job, it allowed her to be artistic and pick up many different tips with various other orders that would come through. Her job was simple; open the file and confirm that everything is proper then send it to print on whatever paper that the customer selected within whatever time frame they provided. It was a simple job, but fun, creative and surprisingly entertaining. Not to mention that if not for the print center the rest of the store may not have the proper posters and advertisement that would be created within the center itself. Yep, Lucilla's job was an important one and she truly did love it.

Luckily the shift although nine hours went by very fast with the amount of clientele that went through, easily $2000, approximately a good twenty to thirty customers easily as a result she was packing up the center at 8:30 and it felt like she had only worked for two hours. 

It wasn't long before she had closed up shop and was shutting the gates behind her while the manager locked the doors as she left for the night; not having to work the next day made the whole night just seem that much more perfect. Setting her bike up she got on, the chill had dropped it was still chilly but not to the extent that she had originally thought it would. She revved her engine heading down Lexnar drive towards downtown. Stopping at a small corner store near the bar to quickly change and do her make-up. The show didn't start for another twenty minutes so there was still more then enough time to finish and make it to the bar, order her usual and get her table before it got to be too busy. 

Walking through the doors with easily ten minutes to spare she smiled at Remy standing at the doorway with stamp in hand 

"Hey you made it back! I gotta ask for your ID though; got in shit the last few times" 

I smiled at her as i dug out my ID handing it over as i shifted my jacket sleeve up slightly holding it out for the Stamp of admittance. 

"Yeah i understand; we both know the routine and really its no additional time just protocol" 

As she handed me back my identification, she stamped my left wrist with a small "thank you" stamp that had little bubbles around the wording. Very simple, basic and did what i needed it too. I lifted my bag to her to store in lock up asking if there was anything i had to pay for storage. I know that for coat check it was two fifty however i wasn't leaving a coat, or using a hanger i was just leaving a bag loaded with a bunch of work clothes and make up and a roughed up pair of work boots. As she grabbed my bag from me she smiled and shook her head.

"Nah no worries Though you're welcome to tip if you'd like" 

I smiled dropping a few coins i had in my purse as spare maybe 87 cents or so. 

"sure, its not much but its all i got spare right now" i smiled as i turned heading to the bar. 

I waited as the bartender finished up with someone else; as i figured there was only a select few people in bar itself, maybe ten at most. 

"Usual" I called over the beat of the music as Candice came around to get my order. She was my usual bartender and would normally have my drink ready for me if she saw me coming in the door; unfortunately it seemed like she was the only one working tonight or at least this early as no one else was present. Perhaps in the back room doing up someones dinner 

"Your fries are on" Candice called as she placed my white freezie down in front of me, i smiled up at her as i felt a nudge at my hip. Turning to look at the body that had hip chucked me i smiled as i saw the one person who made my heart flutter with a simple smile, pound with a single 'hello' and explode with a hug. 

"Hey" I smiled at him, It was the least i could do, turning back i quickly grabbed a sip of my drink; anything to take my mind of the fact that Adam was standing right beside me; had bumped hips with me, was looking to talk if body language was anything to go by. 

"Hey. So uh; Is anyone coming here tonight? Or you by yourself again?" 

Oh my god, he notices me being here alone; wait is that a good thing or bad? I'm not sure! My mind was racing as i turned back to him God girl, Say something!

"Uh yeah i don't think so; Here alone. I guess you're preforming again tonight?" Wow stupid question. Obviously otherwise he wouldn't be here, and dressed up in his stunning outfit. Ok so maybe he would be but who knows My internal fight with myself had caused me to miss out on his response however i did catch the slight shake of his head in confirmation. 

".... Question; were you serious last time? About the boots? It just seems like a dream" 

I couldn't help the flush i knew crossed my face, I'm glad that the lights had dimmed just slightly with the new song that had started 

"Yeah, promise. They are yours; if they fit, and you still want them. Just promise me, if they don't or you decide you don't want them any more..." 

"... I'll give them back" 

his words were out his mouth before i even had time to finish what i was going to say. For a second i just stopped listening to his voice slightly higher pitched then most males but still deep, smooth. I realized with the look he gave me that he was waiting on something; for me to respond perhaps. 

"uh, yeah or at least find someone else who will wear them, Though you said you were a 7 right? So they should fit fine" 

I smiled at him. "Actually i wanted to ask you, What would be the best way to get them to you? Did you want me to send you a message on like facebook or get your number meet up somewhere or?" 

"What would be really cool, is if you tipped them to me" 

I laughed as i realized that it really couldn't be as easy as i had hoped. I had thought about the tipping process and in the end i chickened out of nearly every idea i thought of; 

The music starts to play and Adam takes the stage; a song picked to match the situation perfectly as he knows what is coming. Planned well in advance. I stand at the side lines waiting for my cue to walk out; a line has formed but i want to be extra, special part of a different tipping section. One that is just me and Adam so i watch as everyone walks up handing coins, bills, shots even and he preforms as usual. I smile thinking to myself about the dance we'll share as i hand him the boots; nothing special just head up to the end of the stage, place them on the step leading up and maybe sitting between them back to him as he dances behind me before pushing me away leaving the boots there. Simple and yet effective. 

Or maybe when the music starts completely unknown to him i will pick a random moment, walk out and have him dance up to me; keeping the boots in my hands as i continue to dance, pressing against him - he has to work for them. If the dance isn't good enough; the boots aren't his. 

Another simple idea i had planned was to just meet up before or after the show handing him the boots. If he didn't want to give his Facebook name or phone number then i could easily do it this way, no embarrassing situations, no horrible dancing with boots nothing that could possibly come back to me. No one would know one minute he didn't have them the next minute he did all hush hush secretive. 

However the more spontaneous side wanted to do something big; not big enough to take away from any actual show he might put on but still make the actual gifting of the boots something special. I would smile as i walked out onto the stage; it would all be planned for, a chair would be waiting for me center stage as Adam would come out to preform. He would see me sitting there waiting - the boots half on, half off, He would do his own thing before eventually slowly peeling the boots off one at a time, stripping me of them. Once clear he would help me off the stage keeping the boots up on the chair on display as i sat at my table putting on a spare pair of boots i brought with me.

Unfortunately the last idea was slightly to risque for my liking and i didn't see it actually happening; If at all. I had mentioned a few of the ideas to various friends all with the same results of 'do the last one!' 'The last one is an amazing idea, would be awesome' one friend even went a little further saying to prepare the last scenario but go so far as to have a song regarding stripping, wearing one of Adam's coats and having him strip the various items off me. As much as the idea appealed to me i was in no rush to envisioning him stripping clothing; whither it be jacket and boots or otherwise off my being. Thanks but no thanks. 

"Yeah i could do that no problem" 

I smiled at him; it was obvious that he had been waiting for my response once again. No problem what the hell, this is clearly a problem. Whats wrong with you! Luckily my fries had arrived just as i finished telling him that there was no problem tipping the boots as much as i lied about that, giving me a valid reason to hid my face from him as i grabbed the small basket. I turned back so as not to be rude just as he smiled whispered a quick goodbye and headed off to meet up with Tommy who had just arrived. I quickly let out a breath i hadn't realized i had been holding the whole time i was speaking with Adam. I talked to him, i actually held a conversation Chandra will not believe me. But now i have to find a way to tip him the boots, as if i didn't already have many ideas in my head on that matter. What was i thinking. 

Grabbing the last little bit of my drink; ordering my Bud Lime and picked up my fries i headed to my usual table. I wasn't going to let a little bit of nerves and a red face stop me from sitting as closely as possible near the front of the stage. It was a good way to watch how people tipped; granted that was money they did, a lot smaller then an a pair of knee high spiked boots. It might still provide some idea on how to best go about said plan. It was a start at least. 

The show was quite good for the parts i actually focused on. I tried to envision how i would tip the boots during each performance the only problem was that Adam was a lot more on the active side, jumping around, on and off the stage. He was very upbeat unlike the rest of the entertainers that focused solely on staying near the back of the cat walking usually only walking to the tip of it during a time when someone was present. That was half the issue with tipping. 

Near the end of the show I went through my wallet as i usually do; peaking at the various coins and bills left after my five drinks I knew Adam only had at least one more show left; the others also had only one but at least two of them had two sets; Miss Allie had mentioned that they were down to the last five acts. Adam on an average night did three maybe four if he did a joint act with someone. As soon as an Adam Lambert song started i knew this was my last chance to tip Adam for tonight. Grabbing the smallest bill within the wallet i rolled the five up as usual. Showing i had a bill but that it was small enough to hide while moving together. I took a huge gulp of my fifth - and last - beer, sighing as i put the bill into my hand. I would have thought id be used to doing this by now; tipping others, tipping him, watching others and with many drinks in me but it never did get easier. I couldn't help worry that perhaps i was going to mess up or take to long and not tip or look like a fool who didn't know what she was doing - which perhaps i didn't but i had an idea of what i wanted to do. Still i took a deep breath and walked, keeping my eyes on Adam moving - owning - the stage as he did every night. I stopped at the end of the cat walk and watched as he did his own little dance number near the back, he had clearly spotted me and was watching what i would do. I flashed the bill slightly raising it to my lips as if to kiss it, i lowered it slightly lifting my left eyebrow into a smooth arch, daring him to make the next move. I stepped back slightly as he came near the end of the catwalk, i expected him to walk right up to the edge, maybe reach out to me however the end result was much more shocking - he jumped! Off the stage on a brief diagonal from the corner of the stage to just past my right hand side. I quickly stepped back turning to face him as he stalked towards me, like a lion about to pounce on his pray only in this case i was the pray. 

I smiled briefly as my brain screamed at me to stop being such a scared little rabbit, shifting i turned so my back was pressed against his chest grinding against him as his hand rested upon my hip. His other hand raised up my arm sending shivers down my spine as it reached my hand entwining his fingers in mine he spun me to face him, the hand from my hip moved along my lower back as he shifted us around the dance floor. His leather jacket hanging off the edge of his shoulders, his black typical 'wife beater' tank covered in a slight shimmer of sweat and glitter from his previous set. He wore his usual creepers and a basic pair of black dress pants, God what id do to this man. He is so perfect I smiled up at him as the hand he had held with his was dropped as he stepped up onto the first step at the edge of the catwalk, i lowered my hand dragging it slightly down his face, neck to the top of his chest as my other hand raised along his other arm that had long since left my waist. I reached across his chest dragging my hand slightly over the top of his tank before sliding the bill between his skin and the fabric. As i dropped my hands down his sides towards his waist, he lowered his head just enough to whisper a thank you to me before i felt a weight land upon my head and i was quickly pushed away. I laughed slightly as i walked back to my table, raising my hand to my head to remove the hat that had transferred from Adam's head to my own. Part of me wanted to leave it on, wear it till he came to take it back; another small section told me i should wear others hats and that it might be two obvious if i was to put the hat back on after taking it off in the first place. I shook my head slightly as i sat the offending piece of fabric on the table and stared at it. Great now how should i get this back to him; I suppose he'll come after his set to get is as most of the other entertainers do when they lose or take off part of their costumes I eyed the pinstripe Fedora unsure of how to proceed, leaving it on the table in favour of my drink i turned watching the last of Adam's act come to a close. His hat still in the center of my table as he walked off stage and disappeared into the back room. Guess that answers that i thought looking down once more before running my fingers over the soft material.

Miss Allie did her usual commentary on the previous act and usually spreading something regarding the next upcoming act. I had focused so much on what i was going to do with Adam's hat that i actually felt a slight shock looking up a the state to see Tommy and Adam doing a duet. Well i guess that works, assuming he still preforms the same way I focused on watching the various sections; each individual doing a unique part; Adam more for the heavier, upbeat, faster paced sections while Tommy worked on the softer, pop type sections of the song. I don't actually know what the song itself was called but i watched as the two of them preformed on stage; a few people tipping whoever was on during the section they went up for but it didn't seem to be as popular as solo acts. Thinking on what the best way to get the fedora back to him would be i reached over grabbing it slightly shifting it between my hands holding it one last time before i gave it back to its rightful owner probably never to grace my presence this close again. I caught Adam's eye, caught a quick wink before i he Jumped off the stage and walked up to my table where i was standing. Grabbing my waist slightly he pulled me onto the section of the dance floor rocking my body against his. I lifted my arms behind his head thankful that i was still holding his hat in my hands, worried that i had possibly dropped it in the exchange. I was so flustered like i normally would never be. I raised my arms dancing with him before i turned leaning my head slightly against his neck and shoulder bringing my arms down over both our heads and placing his hat back where it belonged. I felt a slight push against my lower back before i did a quick spin and went back to my table just as Tommy followed Adam off stage, jumping to the other side as Adam went into a freeze frame back on top of the catwalk. 

God if only Chandra was here, if she didn't believe me about talking to him, offering up my boots i somehow don't think she'd believe me this story. That's it, i need to start bringing in a camera, recording the tipping sessions with Adam then I'll have proof The set quickly finished as i lifted the last of my drink to my lips i heard Adam grab the mic and announce the final act; as always the final show of the night ended with a stunning performance by the one and only Miss Allie. As Adam placed the mic back down on the stand, everyone looked around eyeing every possible way to the stage to get the first glimpse of the costume. If anything Miss Allie had the most crazy outfits or the most speculator outfits, this time was no exception; Miss Allie walked out coming down the center walk way holding a small gold microphone, a vial of glitter in her hand she dumped on the waiting crowd that had gathered near the stage as she passed them, the front of her dress was a beautiful v-shape with sequences lining in intercut patterns, the colour of the dress was a deep burgundy and could easily be considered a young teens prom dress, slim across the bust, ribcage and waist, flaring slightly into a ruffle from her hips down to the floor, had the dress been white it would have made the perfect Mermaid wedding gown. The song started softly, a beautiful slow melody nothing extreme, during this time some individuals had put up a chair, table, and a jug of water onto the stage as Miss Allie headed in said direction. 

As she stepped up onto the end of the catwalk the song suddenly changed to one that would soon take on a whole new meaning. 

"....You are beautiful no matter what they say" As Christina Aguilera's voice traveled over the speaker system Miss Allie walked the rest of the way to her table set up at the end of the stage. She sat down taking off the bracelets she had on either wrist singing along with the song. 

" Yes words cant bring me down, I am beautiful in every single way" No one had bothered to go near the stage; those who were standing had found chairs or where holding onto someone close by as Miss Allie reached up and removed both pairs of the fake eye lashes that she had been wearing, it wasn't an extreme shock the lashes were very out there, the ones with feathers or that are longer then your figures, obviously not real. 

"Yes words can't bring me down Oh no So don't you bring me down today" Miss Allie had stood up again, Removing the large necklace from around her neck before she followed up with raising her hands up, resting slightly on the edge of her hair. It was clear by this point to anyone who was watching that she clearly was slowly stripping. I Lucilla was both horrified that anyone would strip on stage at such a perfectly respectable bar. As the next line started up in the song Miss Allie's hands dropped, the large perfectly styled hair she had worn falling to the floor as the pins holding her hair in place were taken out by the force of her hands pushing her wig off. 

Oh wow; Maybe she has cancer and is fighting, but without the jewellery, long hair and eyelashes, well shes got a fairly masc.... Oh my god; Shes a He! The shock of the news as Lucilla's mind quickly caught up with what was going on, both around her and on stage. 

" Trying hard to fill the emptiness, the pieces gone, Left the puzzle undone" 

Lucilla turned as her mind had pieced together the mystery of the club. Women were holding women, Men kissing other men in deep passion, There was a few odd male to female couples but they were scarce. It was clear that Chandra was probably referring to this knowledge when she commented about knowing anything off or different regarding Adam. There is so many gay couples here Turning back to the stage Miss Allie was stripping off her dress; dark toned muscles which she had seen in a few of her more skimpier clothing was slowly shown as the dress was slowly dropped to the floor. Picking up the jug of water Miss Allie turned away from the crowd pouring the water, head tipped back over her - him - self and dropping the jug which was luckily plastic she lifted her hands up rubbing her face as she turned around, Make-up smeared and for the most part gone showing a very manly face. Stepping out of the now wet prom dress he grabbed the mic from the stand letting the water run down his face, neck and chest. 

"Good evening Club Revelation. I would like to reintroduce myself to you, Not as your host for the evening Miss Allie but as myself; Brandon Harley. Remember you are all beautiful; No matter what anyone says. Be yourself and you cant go wrong." 

By the end of his speech i was wiping tears from streaming down my face, the emotional shock at finding out the average bar i had become a regular at for the past month was in fact a gay bar and the entertainer that was the host of the whole show was a male in drag clothing, top that with the fact that she - correction, he - had just done the most amazingly beautiful act of all time coming out as a perfect beautiful prom princess and stripping to just a pair of rough jeans and water as a show of acceptance, cleansing and beauty in who Brandon is as both a male and the stunningly beautiful picture perfect female miss Allie, well it was just too much. The tears were flowing and i couldn't help clapping, shaking and screaming with the rest in complete astonishment. Perhaps everyone else know which is why no one had dared to tip during the performance. Somehow i don't think she would have accepted anything during this act to be honest since its all about being yourself, and not acting. Really i was too shocked at all my findings to figure out exactly what i would have tipped her before the song ended. The lights turned on full as Brandon stepped forward leaving behind the water puddle, clothing and accessories to do his usual closing speech as he wished everyone a safe and amazing night explaining that once the dance floor was cleaned of water it would be available to all to use. The bar had is last call as Brandon stepped off the stage grabbing a towel being held out to him by Adam. It was then that i first clued in that Adam was probably not as masculine as i had first intended. Everything was starting to fit into place finally and suddenly i couldn't help feeling like i could get drunk easily like most people not that i had ever wanted to be drunk as badly as i did at this exact moment. I was excited, appalled and feeling very sick none of the side effects could be chalked up to too much drinking, this was nerves.


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the night had passed in a very fast blur, My mind was on information overkill with no way to slow it down or drown it. The fresh air was slightly chilly to the bare arms i wore, small goosebumps formed all along my arms and most likely my legs as well. I was sitting on the steps just outside the club doors, resting my head against the side of the wooden railing wishing that it was made of metal as the slight chill with the breeze would be perfect to counter act the flushed heat that was coursing through my body. I cant believe it, how is that possible, he - she - was so convincing. Well no maybe its just Brandon that is a drag queen the rest are still who they portray themselves to be. That has to be the case Deep down i knew i was grasping at straws only they were already shredded with reality. I was in a same-sex support bar which wasn't the issue at all, I was more then willing to accept anyone gay, Lesbian, transgender, i don't feel that makes the person any more then a persons parents, the issue which in all honesty wasn't really an issue either was that i had been crushing, dreaming and chasing after a male impersonator and the only thing i could think of was am i actually attracted to the person or is my love a lie for a made up individual. Does Adam exist within whoever his female counter part is, or is he a once a week show, a way to escape reality and be someone else. Whatever the case may be. One thing was completely obvious; I loved Adam wholly, completely and i would like to believe unconditionally. Adam had taken over my life without so much as being apart of it and the pain i felt from losing my ex finally had a silver lining in all the dark gloomy storm clouds that lined my sky's. 

Taking a drag of the cigarette that i had taken down to half i watched as the gray smoke swirled around in the air in front of my face. Smiling as it drifted and vanished completely. I jumped slightly at a warm hand resting on my shoulder. 

"Are you not cold?" 

I looked up, knowing before i saw who it was.

"Not really" It was a clearly obvious lie, as just that moment a shiver swept over me again. Adam was smiling down at me, Tommy at his side holding out a smoke having already lit his. "Great show in there" turning to take another drag of my smoke i shifted turning to face him a little more, i didn't really want to look at this man at the moment, i still wanted to jump him and i couldn't help my mind drifting to things i would do to him and how warm he always was pressed against me, strong, supportive, it feel safe and comforting in his arms. 

"Tommy, hand me my jacket" Adam had held his hand out as Tommy gave him the jacket he had thrown over his shoulder "Here, cant have you catching a cold" Oh please don't be all sweet and nice to me now, please. Every little thing just made me want Adam more but i couldn't stand to think that i wanted a fictional character. 

"Uh, thank you, but really I'm fine; I'm almost done anyway" i answered as the warmth of his leather wrapped around my shoulders, i couldn't surpass the shiver and my body finally realized that i was actually a lot colder then i actually realized. I stood up so i was face to face with Tommy and Adam. Smiling as my unoccupied hand grabbed at the jacket resting over my arms. Ok so it is warm, and it smells amazing. I just wont wear it but no reason i cant just leave it resting on my arms Smiling a little shyly i thanked Adam once more as he finally took the smoke being offered to him from Tommy. 

"How do you feel up there Tommy?" I turned my attention from Adam, half because i still wasn't sure what to do regarding my mixed emotions; and also because i didn't want to ignore the other individual. "You're just starting out right?" So much easier to talk to him His nod answered my second question but he didn't say anything more. I shifted slightly feeling a little awkward like i was being glared at for being in the wrong place or too close to someone that i shouldn't be. 

"He's getting so much better isnt he? Actually he used to preform a few years back but stopped when he got a girlfriend who didn't like it" 

I turned to Adam, well that answered more then i wanted to know I flashed a smile at Tommy showing my support and agreeance with what Adam said. 

"I don't see why, you're amazing up there. Love your moves" 

"Really? Its such an honour to be up there with so many great people" 

"He speaks" i laughed slightly, the large smile that spread across Tommy's face was like the sun rising in the sky. Nothing close to seeing Adam laugh or smile, don't get me wrong but Tommy was like your little kid brother, when he was happy it was hard to be upset or angry, If he was sad you wanted to hug him and do whatever to make him better. Small, adorable and sweet, if it wasn't for Tommy working in a gay bar i would maybe have even gone so far as to say he looked Innocent, especially to the hard, dangerous feeling that Adam gave off. 

"So Miss Allie - Brandon, has he done that show before? It was so perfect" It was an obvious change of conversation as i took the last little bit of my smoke, tossing it into the nearest sand pit. Adam nodded while Tommy went on about how right i was and that no one would ever be able to top it

"... But that's why Brandon is the host, this is practically his club!" I smiled shifting the jacket off my shoulders, sad as the warmth left me and the cold wrapped around my shoulders again. 

"I agree, It was breathtaking, I'm pretty sure i teared up a little. Anyway I'm going to head back in" i handed the jacket out to no one specifically although i knew it was Adam's. I smiled at them both and squeezed Adam's shoulder after he grabbed the jacket from my pro-offered hand before turning and heading for the doors, i heard Adam laugh before the doors closed most likely from something Tommy said. At least that's what i had hoped was the case. I rubbed my arms to get warmth back into them; i was only without the jacket for maybe a minute, no more then three and yet my arms were already going numb. The set was over so i didn't see myself actually doing anymore more inside the club, but as i walked in i noticed Miss All... No, Brandon with a few bags at his feet getting ready to leave, he had a small white towel thrown around his neck and was speaking with a few other club goers. Walking up to him i smiled as he turned to face me. 

"you were brilliant up there, that was just awe inspiring" i was gushing and i fully knew it but i couldn't help make sure that he knew just how deeply it had hit me. 

"Thank you love" he leaned down kissing my cheek slight while is hand rested on my shoulder without the heels and fancy dresses, he was quite average a little shorter but he was so attractive, Tanned, toned and slim yet strong and beautiful like a butterfly. 

"It brought tears to my eyes, i cant wait to see another show like this" I lifted my hand gently holding his arm before letting it drop "I'm heading home now, but i just i had to thank you for your performance." the smile turned from one of polite acceptance into something more natural. 

"No thank you, for coming out and your support" 

I nodded i didn't want to seem like i was not accepting and i definitely didn't want it being known that i had no idea i was providing support for. At least to the degree that i was. I turned heading towards the security room where i had my bag sitting with my work clothes, helmet and other items. I requested my bag from the lady there heading into the bathroom of the bar and changing quickly before leaving again. With how chilly it was at two in the morning i wasn't going to attempt going the five minutes to the gas station to change. 

"My helmet as well; I'm gunna head out" i hollered to the guard, she pouted slightly before reaching and grabbing the rest of my items. 

"You're coming back next week right?" she moved my items out of my reach when i went to grab them 

"yes yes I'll be here" inside i wasn't sure, part of me wanted to avoid it for a while and come to terms with everything that i had heard and seen tonight however i knew that the clubbing side of me would not allow me to stay away for long, by the end of the week i would be twitching for Friday not so that id have the weekend but because id want to be back within a dark room filled with strangers, drinking and watching people dress as the opposite sex. Only next week i would know this before walking in. My visits just got much more interesting and im positive that its going to have a whole new feel from now on I grabbed my items smiling at Remy and headed towards the door, as i opened it i looked up to see if anyone was coming, and someone was, two someones for that matter. 

"Heading out?" 

I nodded at Tommy and Adam "Yeah, gotta get home" i went to step out of the way letting them into the bar just as they both stepped out of my way to let me leave. "Thanks" i held the door open as i walked through passing by them both. I headed out the outside door and just caught the end of the deep rich voice that had haunted my dreams

"I'll catch up with you Tommy, you go on ahead" 

As the door closed completely i couldn't helping thinking of exactly what that ment. Oh god please don't come out here. In just a few seconds there was a high chance that the door would open once more and Adam was going to walk out and speak with me one on one. There was a possibility that he was going further into the building in a different direction however i realized that it was a much more likely chance he was coming out. Sure enough the door opened as Adam stepped out. 

"Hey, You ok? I saw you were teary eyed inside, didn't want to bring it up in front of someone though" 

Great hes a real gentleman inst he "Yeah I'm fine really" I turned from my bike after having locked the box into place "I just, it was emotional, I'm kind of dealing with a bunch of stuff and that was just i wasn't expecting it" 

It wasn't completely a lie, but it was definitely a lie for anyone who knew me well. I tried to always live freely, hated to be tied down. 

"Well if you ever need anyone to talk to; feel free to look me up. Radam Lambif on facebook." 

"I uh, Thanks. Yeah i'll do that" I turned grabbing the helmet that i had placed over the handle bars half hoping he would get the hint and leave, but a larger part of me prayed that he stayed talking to me a little longer. "But i really am doing fine, Miss Allied performance just really hit home" In more ways then one.

"Alright, well safe travels. Keep warm" Adam smiled up at me before quickly turning and heading back inside.

"Thanks you too when you leave, have a good night" I couldn't help calling out to him; wether it was the whole 'woman always try to get the last word' or if just for something more to say my side hoping hed keep me there a little longer winning out. I saw his hand flash behind him before the door closed with a final slam. This has been a long ass night Throwing my leg over the seat i wrapped my hair throwing it into my helmet before securing it around me, revving the engine i walked my bike back till i had enough room to drive forward and off into the night. My head spinning with everything over the course of the last two weeks. Questioning how much was real and how much was part of a dream sequence that my mind had made up in a desperate hope to reach out.

The ride home was faster then normal, possibly because i was so distracted that i hadn't realized just how much time had really passed. I went around the block once more just as a way to clear my head before driving my bike into the parking spot i usually vacated. Grabbing the box off the back i headed into the building and up to the sixth floor, stopping in front of unit 606, i could hear a slight whimper at the door long before my key even went into the lock. Diamonde knew i was home and was already waiting for me to enter. As soon as the door was open my puppy was running figure eights around my legs, tail wagging fifty miles an hour Its amazing you don't take off flying pup. Reaching down i picked her up cuddling her to my chest. 

"Hey girl, miss me baby? Do you gotta go pee?" I dropped my keys onto their hook by the door, shutting it with my foot before caring Diamonde to the balcony. Putting her out on and pulling the door, Diamonde stood at the door to excited to actually do what she most likely needed to do. I figured standing there probably wasn't going to help anything as long as she could see me she was less likely to go. Heading into the kitchen i grabbed a few leftovers from the fridge dumping them onto a plate from the cupboard and placing it into the microwave, turning it on for three minutes before heading back to the balcony door; Diamonde was still standing at the door, up on her hind legs scratching to come in. 

"fine, stupid pup; Luckily for you that's a glass door and not the screen door. Don't think you've gotten out of going though" i leaned down petting Diamonde on the top of her head before heading back into the kitchen, microwave beeping the completion of warming up my dinner. As i grabbed the food i heading into the living room, living alone - puppy excluded - i hardly ever ate at the dinning room table. To much space and really its kind of lonely. I grabbed the small remote off the TV stand turning on the stereo for background noise before sitting on the couch drawing my laptop onto my lap. I took a bite of the pasta i had heated up, it wasn't much just some fast food spinach ricotta penne that i ordered for delivery two nights ago. I quickly opened my outlook to let my emails download while checking my various tabs that i had left open in chrome. Facebook had very little notifications - not surprising as i didn't have many people on it; Twitter was a good fifteen hundred notifications behind but half of them never even mattered. 

I quickly skimmed a few hours back on the Twitter feeds confirming the normal - Nothing worth reading before switching back over to my emails as usual there was a good fifty emails all junk just like in the morning. Deleting everything and closing it down i opened up my facebook feed debating wether or not to look up Adam as i said i would. Taking a few more bites of my pasta which had cooled off rather fast i quickly typed in Radam Lambif into the facebook search and waited. The first name to come up was obviously his profile. The photos showed all sides of him and some even as her - his actual self. Before a second thought appeared i quickly clicked the 'add friend' button watching it switch over to 'waiting for response', taking a second i looked down at Diamonde curled up into a small ball beside me before remembering the various status's and pictures i had uploaded from previous visits Shit! How could i forget those! Wait, maybe he wont make the connection Switching over to my wall i skimmed through the various posts deleting anything that had Adam labeled directly. The photos would take much longer to go through as the album was sitting at just over four hundred pictures easily, luckily it wasn't extremely important as i had photos of nearly every entertainer so it wasn't like it was a whole album dedicated to just Adam My saving grace - half the entertainers that i cant even remember their names. 

By the time i had finished scanning my wall removing a few of the direct links to Adam and figuring a few were ok to leave alone under the premise that he probably wouldn't visit my profile and if by some chance he did, well really i could be talking about anyone in my life. After feeling satisfied with where i had left off i switched back over to his profile, a notification appeared showing me i was now friends; Adam had accepted my request Shit that was quick.... Its still only four. Getting a little excited i sent a quick message to Chandra; a message of warning and excitement

"Hey, friends with Adam on Facebook, careful what you post now ;) P.S We need to talk" I knew shed get the message to her cell phone and really didn't care if it woke her up although the chances of that were slim, Chandra could sleep through just about anything it was scary really. As i opened the photo tab on Adam's facebook i noticed various photos, good, poor, professional and fun, Album after album of photos from many different shows. It was an open photo book to just about every set he had possibly ever done at least since joining facebook. Clicking through the many photos it was obvious that he was well loved and very photogenic, the camera loved him as did the people behind the lens i was sure. One photo really stood out amongst the rest, it was of a beautifully stunning woman, make-up surrounding her eyes making them pop, a shimmering gold sequined black top and a rather attractive man standing behind her arms wrapped around her neck loosely, he was in a beautiful black dress shirt Oh my ... That's Brandon, so that must be ... Peeking at the people tagged in the photo it was easy enough to tell that Brandon was obviously Brandon; leaving the other two names to mean one of two things. Any even a person less intelligent then most could easily figure out that the woman's name tagged was the lady in the photo meaning that the reason Adam was tagged ment that Adam took the photo or the most likely possibility; Adam was the woman - correction the woman is who becomes Adam. 

With a name like Tonya Crimsion it was easy to see a wild side, she was beautiful and after seeing a female version it was obvious that her and Adam if not the same person could very well be twins. Clicking on Tonya's name to view her profile; creeping a little further into Adam's life and finding out more on who this person actually was only where Adam's profile was mostly open to the public Tonya's was blocked for nearly everything except a few albums of photography of various artistic captures; nature, animals, portraits and random misc items that were captured in all sorts of lightings. She was amazing at everything she did it seemed. Don't do it unless you can do it perfectly; and hunny you are perfect. Clicking through the various albums and checking out whatever her profile would let me see time had passed by faster then i had realized; looking at the clock i flashed 6:42 in bright red letters, nearly two and a half hours i had snooped through Tonya and Adam's profiles. The same person, two persona's and still no real idea of who said individual actually was beyond the names and faces she showed. Not that I'll ever know or Add Tonya but its nice to be able to view once in a while. 

Closing the profile down, i finished my food long since forgotten and cold before taking the plate to the sink and rinsing it off; Diamonde still hadn't moved from the ball that was pressed against my leg. Turning the lights off as i went i bent down picking her up off the couch and carried her to bed, setting her under the covers as i stripped down to my underwear climbing in afterwords. It was so constricting to sleep with items around my legs; pants, nightgowns all of it just caused me to feel tangled, i was definitely one of those people who found it too hot all under the covers but too cold out, i would often lay on my back one leg out to the side and the other at the bottom, blanket covering at least from the knee up to my neck and shoulders, my arms could be out but my shoulders had to be covered. It was easiest to pull the blanket right up and lay with my arms under my pillow I'm sure i looked weird while sleeping and it was probably really difficult to sleep next to me - not that i had to worry about any of that anymore at least, not yet. Eventually maybe id find the right guy - or girl - my mind betrayed me supplying me with a thought that had never before crossed my mind but i wasn't going to wait out whatever the case may be. My last thought before drifting off betrayed me in every way, my heart fluttering slightly at the thought; Adam - Tonya, Even with the new information, i did still love him - her. FUCK! 

The next morning Lucilla woke up feeling restless having slept only a few hours and those hours laced with various dreams; dreams of love, hate, rejection and distrust, she was deceived and yet still longed in her dreams for the mysterious individual shrouded in shadow. Hidden from her minds eye. Stretching Lucilla got out of bed following her usual routine before getting on facebook to check if Chandra was present. If nothing else, she was in desperate need to speak with Chandra regarding everything; a way to vent, sort and deal with whatever she still may not have come to terms with - which was close to damn near everything from the previous night. 

"Hey girl you up? Message me when you can" 

Taking a sip of her coffee; Diamonde hoping up beside her to curl against her leg, warming up from being outside, she quickly went through the notifications before a sound informed her that Chandra had responded. Let the story unfold and pray that she believes me. 

"Had a great time last night, actually need to speak with you as i said in my previous message... From yesterday" 

"Oh yeah, sorry was busy with some essays what did you want to talk about?" 

Of course you were busy, you're always busy. You're crazy Chand that all there is to it. 

"Yesterday. Can we meet for coffee? Easier then typing everything out" 

"Sure, Usual place, 30 minutes"

Really you would think it was some top secret mission but it always got the point across and made life just a little bit easier between us. The usual place even had a table that we always sat at; it was cozy, convenient and secluded for easier privacy. Most of the people recognized us as we were regulars; whither going together or individually to do whatever one of us was usually always there. Quickly getting dressed i threw my laptop into my carryover and got ready to head out. Moster's coffee cafe was pretty much exactly center between our houses; a good ten minutes walking either side. The cafe was fairly empty, three other individuals were in the cafe and i had beaten Chandra although probably not by much given the time. 

"Usual, Both here today Jim" I called to the owner. It was a small private owned place that really was quite well off, When Chandra found it we were skeptical at first but now there is really no where else we would get coffee from - ok well maybe from Tim Hortons but what Canadian girl doesn't love her Timmies. I headed towards the back, sure enough our table sat free as always; Two of the more comfortable leather seats slightly turned towards the wall as Chandra and i had set them many months previous, the table had a small flyer of the various items you could order from Jim if you so chose. I headed over pulling my laptop from my side bag as i sat it next to the chair closest to the door it was my chair between the two of us. I reached over plugging the laptop into the bottom outlet as i booted the laptop up from sleep mode. As the windows chimed on i over heard Jim's deep grovely voice ring out. 

"Shes already there; Usual is almost done" 

Chandra is finally here. And now the fun begins.

"No I'm telling you that i actually spoke with Adam a few times last night. I told you he added me as a friend on Facebook. He told me to look him up"

"Luc hun, given your nature - ok you're very outspoken so maybe that's not the right word but given the recent situation and how you feel i got to say its alarming."

"I know. But whats more alarming is that you didn't tell me that it was a LGBT bar! You took me to a bar of a community that i support without telling me that there was such a public support place.... Filled with gays, Lesbians and trans-gendered people!"

Chandra quickly hid a smile however i still managed to hear the small laugh escape her lips just before she suppressed it.

"I'm sorry, i honestly thought you'd know of the bar. I just figured you hadn't gone as you don't actually do the bar scene often, especially not alone."

"Well sorry to disappoint; I've been going alone to Rev for the last while since someone is always so busy" I stuck my tongue out just to make sure she knew i was kidding before quickly grabbing a sip of my half expresso half hazelnut creme coffee, Jim had brought them over and we were a good few minutes into our conversations; our drinks nearly half way gone already. "Anyway i wish you were there yesterday, Brandon... Uh Miss Allie, had an amazing finishing show as well. It was amazing to watch her come out as Miss Allie and as the song progressed she became a he - which by the way Not impressed with your lack of sharing knowledge on that front either -..." i laughed slightly "but by the end of it, he stood there in nothing but a pair of slightly faded and ripped jeans, void of any 'miss Allie' persona. It was just stunning. I wish i could have known i would have video captured it at least, but i feel that would still take away from the full effect" 

"Uh huh, it sounds amazing, i cant believe you didn't realize that they were drags at a gay club. I'm sorry I'm still stuck on that" 

I joined in on Chandra's laughter, she was right given my love for clubs and the fact that i did fully support the LGBT community often going to the pride festivities throughout the year it did seem weird i had no idea about this club. I recalled it being renovated from the various other locations it used to be; a restaurant, a tattoo parlor, a dance studio and now a club. Those walls have seen a lot of change over the last twenty years. 

"Yeah ok, so i realize that it was off but i still i cant believe it; Brandon's act just completely opened my eyes ya know. Like one minute i was in a normal bar drinking my normal beer then She comes out and transforms in front of my eyes and a wall gets shattered; suddenly I'm able to see men with men, women together, the entertainers magically become just that much more beautiful and i feel weird drinking my beer because its not 'Lesbian' enough" 

"Wait what! Your beer choice isn't 'Lesbian enough' whats that even mean luc!" I could tell that Chandra although she wasn't laughing out loud was clearly enjoying herself and she was really holding back her laughter. The twinkle in her eyes and the slight crows feet forming at the edges told me that she probably couldn't hold off much longer before she exploded in a fig of mad giggles. 

"Yeah laugh it up, you know you want to. I just mean that its not 'hard' enough i guess. I don't know how to explain it. Just it seems that lesbians tend to drink the harsher beers. Budweiser, Canadian, you know. Not bud lime and coronas" 

"You mean they can drink with the guys and you feel like a wuss because you cant?" 

"That's... No! I can drink with the guys if i wanted to i just oh i don't know, forget it" 

"No Luc, you can out drink the guys but you cant drink with them. You're to much of a woman when it comes to drinking, you don't have a masculine taste bud" 

"Hey I'm Masculine enough" i couldn't help laughing as soon as the words were out of my mouth, the look Chandra gave me told me she was almost as shocked as i was. "ok so maybe that sounds wrong; and i cant believe I'm arguing against my own gender" 

"you think?" Chandra lifted her soy latte to her lips taking a sip before she shifted "So anyway what are you going to do now?" 

"what? Oh i don't know. Come with me next week please?"

"Sorry i cant; i have a huge essay do three days from then and i have a six o'clock rise. Fridays are out for me for a little while" 

"yeah yeah, i know. Still doesn't hurt to ask. I'm not sure if i can go back there alone though at least not right now"

"than don't go?" Really it made perfect sense, if i couldn't go back, then why go back. Chandra always the voice of reason. 

"Because i cant just not go! Do you realize how often i get yelled at for going 'inappropriately dressed' or not at all? They know when I'm not there" 

"Than go, really Luc, you're making it harder then it needs to be, relax and just do what your heart tells you to" 

"you're right, of course you're right. I just" 

"No! No more 'i just' listen to me Lucilla" Oh great, out comes the full name Chandra never used my full name except when it was something really important she was going to say or she was angry at me. "You need to stop over annalizing everything. You go if you want to go, you don't if you don't want to go. Its as simple as that. How has the bar changed really? Did the name of the place change? Management? Just because you didn't have your eyes open due to issues - which i get trust me i do - but Club Revelation actually hasn't changed at all." 

She was right of course; as usual. Club revelation was still the same old bar that i had been going to for the past many months, hell its safe to say that i haven't even changed other then the slight possibility that i may be interested in a woman but hey who's counting that. Sighing i finished my coffee signaling to Jim for another cup which arrived shortly afterwords. I waited for him to walk far enough away before turning back to Chandra. 

"Ok yes, you're right. Nothing has changed so i shouldn't be so paranoid and spazzy from this. I get that"

"...But?" God this woman knew me to well. 

"but" i said, repeating with a bit more umph "i still have to deal with Adam.... Tonya ... Whatever i should call him... Her" 

"Well what do you feel?" 

"I feel... Confused." It was true, i was lost, confused and unsure. I was scared and yet still completely drawn to well Adam at the very least. 

"To be expected" 

"That's helpful" i snorted at Chandra, really not very lady like but when had i ever been known - besides my drinking habits apparently - to be very lady like. "I still feel drawn to him. Hes sweet, sexy, amazing, mysterious, dark, strong, i feel safe in his arms" 

"Oh Luc, that's not called 'Drawn to' and you know it when will you admit that to yourself?"

"well its slightly harder now that i know he isn't really a he!" It came out a lot harsher then i had intended. Snapping at Chandra in defiance but why i couldn't tell you. The look she gave me told me she was thinking the same thing most likely wondering why i was getting defensive and taking it out on her "Sorry" i looked at her apologetically, if i was a dog id probably have had the large puppy dog eyes with a slight cock of the head. 

"Its alright, its easy to see that you're scared and as you said; confused. Really though, there is no reason to be. People will ... Be drawn to ... those their hearts see in a different light its completely natural."

"Is this going to be you're whole 'love knowns no gender' talk because i was the one who first preached that to you remember and its different..." I trailed off at the slight smirk and raised eyebrow look Chandra was giving me. She would have no 'its not love' being thrown her way. We both knew it and it appeared finding out that He was in fact a she didn't stop the feelings i had for him. "I think, no ... I will be going to Rev again on Friday. I think going with a fully clear mind and of course now that its opened well i think I'll be able to finalize my feelings the best that way" 

Chandra nodded her head a full smile across her face. It was safe to say that my response was exactly what she expected was going to happen at some point. The fact that she knew how to manipulate me, using my previous conversations with her against me would cause me to bed in her favour was just a mean trick, mean but effective - We both knew it. 

"You're a bitch Chand" i smirked at her before lifting my coffee, finishing the rest of the glass before we both broke out into laughter at everything that had just passed within the last hour. 

"Yeah, but you're still here. Not to mention, i learned from the best" She winked at me before taking another slip of her latte, she always savoured hers. I was kind of envious of her ability to make it last. We truly did have one of the best friendships going that could probably withstand just about anything. The rest of our visit was less stressful, we both had brought our laptops in the case the other had maybe run late as we usually did, both opening them to write whatever we were working on while talking about generally anything just catching up with each other. We had gotten into a routine that worked perfectly for us to continue getting what we needed done; for Chandra it was often school work, for myself it would be a story i was working on writing or some other mundane thing; and we would start working on those while catching up or just sitting quietly in each others presence. 

"Sorry Girls, I'm going to have to ask you guys to head out, Mary called in sick so I'm on my own today. Just closing shop for 15 to take a quick lunch. You're welcome to come back in after" 

We looked up at Jim. He always had been a great guy a little creepy at first, one of those too friendly and wanting to know all sorts of details. But it was clear he was a lonely old man who just wanted someone to have a coffee with. 

"No problem Jim. Actually i think we're about done here anyway. See you next time" I smiled up at him as Chandra nodded her agreement, saving and closing down her word document before putting it into her bag. Gathering up all our items Chandra handed me the last of her latte, about half full.

"Finish it up, i know you can down it faster then i" I smiled to her lifting the glass, finishing it in a matter of sections before putting it into Jim's waiting hand. He walked us to the door before bidding us a great afternoon and locking the door placing a 'back in 15 minute' sign on the door along with changing a small clock to show a 're-opening' time frame for anyone who could show up. Outside I gave Chandra a quick hug. 

"Thanks for the talk" I was still a little unsure, part of me still wanted to curl up into a ball and cry at the newest developments. How could I not notice, i was usually so in tune with everything going on, and very observational. I of course wasn't going to let Chandra know it still bothered me. 

"Any time Luc you know that" She hugged me back before turning "Theres my bus, i should go" i rolled my eyes smiling at her before nodding and hiking my bag a little further up on my arm

"Yeah, I'm walking, not that far and its nice out. Catch ya later" I quickly hugged her once more before turning and heading in the opposite direction from her as she ran to catch her bus. In just a few days time one of us or both would make our way back to Jim's cafe, He got very awkward the last time we had gone a few weeks without stopping by and we wanted to avoid that once more.


	7. Chapter 7

Diamonde was at the door as always waiting for me to get in, Curled up in the little puppy bed i had just inside the Closet. Her little tail wagged as i walked in but she didn't move, waiting until i took everything off and got in, She truly was a very well behaved dog most days unless she really needed outside. Taking my jacket off i placed my bag on the book-stand near the door before un-tying my shoes and calling Diamonde over. It didn't take her long to get in my lap and lather my face where ever she could reach with kisses. I petted her before wrapping my arms around her, lifting her as i moved the door of the closet to the opposite side so i could place my shoes on the small rack and hang up my jacket. I picked up my bag throwing it over the arm that wasn't holding Diamonde before walking into the office at the end of the apartment. It was still early in the afternoon, too early to eat supper and definitely too early to sleep; i placed Diamonde on the couch before plugging my laptop in at my table sitting down and opening the internet browser going directly to facebook, twitter, google plus and my email. I had just checked all of them at Moster's however i was obsessive with checking on a very constant basis; you could say i was addicted and couldn't go more then a few hours without unless i was surrounded by the friends it connected me to on a regular day. 

"Nothing going on Diamonde, Really you'd think i had no life the way i get sometimes" I turned on my computer chair to look towards the couch, Diamonde with her tail still wagging so much so her whole body was shaking with the motion. I walked over to her sitting on the couch, grabbing my Playstation 3 controller on the way before Diamonde took over my lap making it impossible to move without disturbing her - and the look she would give you - you dont want to move this dog without complete reason to do so, if looks could kill Diamonde had it down to an art. Sure enough as soon as i was fully comfortable she was on my lap curled up falling asleep in seconds; Luckily the system allowed one to turn it on from the controller because i had sat down without turning the system on or even considering what game was in the system - looks like im playing whatever was in there from last time. 

As the screen turned on i leaned over slightly flipping the power button on my little 4 pot coffee machine that was on my side table praying that i had remembered to put fresh grinds and water in before heading out under my previous plans from that morning. Venetica loaded up onto my 42" LCD screen and i sighed Great, I've only beaten this game four times now. I lifted the controller accessing all the saved games; not a single one was even half way through, ever file was at the end. Great, round 5 I looked towards the coffee pot happy to smell fresh coffee and seeing everything was going everything good there At least i remembered to set that up. The coffee definitely made the whole process of playing Venetica for the sixth time go much faster - that and having played it so often all the way through. Half way through Diamonde had shifted most likely upset with the small shifting i was doing refilling my coffee cup and from my leaning forward, then sitting back. I was a very in touch player, not one of those who turned their whole bodies while playing a racing game but enough that my wrists turned with the remote as if i was holding the steering wheel. Diamonde huffed slightly getting off my lap and curling up pressed against my left leg. Yep she was not completely happy with me at this exact moment but it left me available to get up and change the game - Finally!

The whole night passed switching between the five different games i had for the system. I really need to get more games for it but i was more of an Xbox 360 player over PS3 but there is just a few games i cant get for the xbox which is why i had the PS3 in the first place. By around seven i headed into the kitchen to start dinner, going through my fridge, freezer and pantry. I need to go shopping and soon Really i didn't have much but there was a few single meals, couple boxes of Mac and Cheese, a double stake in the freezer and a small bag of Potato Tots, my fridge had even less; milk, butter and a loaf of bread. If i was a male i would be slightly better off then the "ultimate bachelor" but considering I'm a female i guess i was the perfect bachelorette since it wasn't all fast food but it definitely wasn't guest or people friendly. Id be screwed if my family suddenly decided to stop by for supper - not that they ever did. 

Lucilla was pretty much on her own; Her mother had remarried, and started a new family, as it was, they hardly ever saw each other. Lucilla would only visiting about five times a year, mostly for her baby sisters birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving and sometimes other special occasions, and that was all assuming she got the time off work for the two or three days surrounding said date. Her family it seemed was happy ignoring the fact that she existed, usually only having a conversation through other family members or if Lucilla called them. It was a lonely life, but one that Lucilla was accustomed too, She had her friends and that is what mattered most. People close she could care about. And of course Diamonde. It was a sad life, lonely a good number of nights. But as a whole she was happier. After spending four of the six years with her ex and dealing with so many issues; fights, debt, privacy having little to no communication except what Lucilla wanted in her life made things just that much easier to control. She constantly told herself she was ok with the way things were. Deep down it was obvious when around other couples that she missed it, she missed the intimacy, the love, the protection and comfort that came with having someone to care for you; dogs could only ever do so much. It didn't slip her mind that there was a good chance that the whole loving Adam thing could be due to the lack of connection with people outside of her family, outside of her friends. Having someone new, special who wouldn't judge. But there is also a very high possibility that she truly did just like the person; his attitude, style and personality. He was strength, pride, power, love, compassion, attitude, and understanding all wrapped up in one little package tied with a pretty glittering gold bow and a big fuck you I'm female sign holding the bow in place. Could gender actually matter in the long run, love is supposed to be able to over come any obstacle with a touch of work - nothing is perfect without a bit of work to make it so. However when Lucilla when to bed that night her mind was in full drive running through everything that had happened and what she was hoping would be the case when she went next week; after all promising Chandra she would go made it so she really had to go back - Chandra would be sure to ask how everything went just to make sure that Lucilla had stepped foot back inside Rev as she claimed she would; and of course would want all the dirty little secrets she would hold until Chandra asked - nothing would get by her anyway. She had a week to gain the courage she had for anything else, and then at least twenty-four hours to prepare herself for the telling of the biggest night she would have at Rev yet. 

The rest of the week found Lucilla very distracted with many thoughts going through her head; One of them being that with the recent knowledge of Adam actually being a woman it might now be easier to get the boots to her. However it didnt stop Lucilla from wondering the same old question of how. The days at work Lucilla found herself staring at various women who had come in, young, middle aged, people the same age - or at least ones she thought were the same age - wondering if she found them attractive, none created the same spark Adam did, or even Tonya when she was creeping the profile on facebook. She found she was able to see some a prettier then others; but couldn't envisioning kissing, hugging, holding or caring about any of them romantically. Is it because they're all strangers? She would ask her self so many questions debating with her self, except in all reality - and she knew deep down - Adam and definitely Tonya were complete strangers to her as well. She knew the names of the customers as she knew the names of both personas at Rev, Based on certain orders she could find out tidbits of the customers life's; some came in with print jobs for their dependents, some were birthday invites to their toddlers birthday, One lady was printing thank you cards for attending a fiftyish anniversary. All little things that don't usually matter but over the coarse of the week Lucilla was paying extra special close attention to each one. 

The upside to her behaviour was that every order was completed to almost perfect standards, each step done in order, completed to the fullest right up to thanking the customer at the end - a practice she didn't always follow - her managers had picked up on this and commented, it was all positive feed back and the customer service surveys all reflected highly upon her as well. If she could keep up that level of professionalism along with the fullness of each order she would easily be considered for a promotion when the time came; the only downside was that the recent changes were due to a mind set she had gotten herself in with the thought that she might not be as straight as she always thought she was. Not that she was going to bother telling her managers that, let them think that she was just having a great week and was turning herself around, putting more into her job and that she had just learned the proper way of handling things. When the week ended and she went to Rev, depending on the outcome there, she was bound to drop back to hold habits - of that she was sure of. 

The week went by fast with her vast attention of details to each order and remaining busy for as long as possible each day. Friday was upon her and she had only three hours to make her final decision, she had already said she was going to go but that didn't stop her mind from pulling all the minor 'get out of plans' cards she could think of I was sick, i overslept and didn't make it out, I was working, I am a complete and udder spazz who chickened out because i am a wimp Yeah she was hating on herself in all ways and each one would get a very stern 'you're such a lier' look from Chandra. There was a very high possibility she might even show up just to see if Lucilla had gone, it wouldn't be the first time she made it out for a few hours just to have a drink before heading home to bed. 

Sighing she quickly got dressed in something basic; pulling her black skinny jeans out from the back of her drawer, a kids large dress that made for a very simple flowing top on her, outlining her breast with a black belt before dropping into a flowing gold sparkle, She threw on a pair of her work boots and touched up her makeup the goal was to still look and feel sexy, but be a bit more covered then previous visits. She dressed for cover and comfort instead of for the bar and mostly to be less of a single 'i need sex' look. She was bound to get in shit from those who recognized her as a regular but shed just cover it up as coming from work - it wouldn't be the first time she used that excuse, the only problem was this was the first time it would be a all out complete lie. As much as she hated lying at this point, with how unsure she felt that was exactly what she needed a security get-a-way that no one would figure out if only because no one else knew her personally.

Arriving at the club she got everything shut down as she usually did; internally telling herself to act like nothing was wrong - really nothing was different. Loving the same gender isn't changing who she is as a person she still liked the same things, acted the same, and the bar as Chandra had reminded her on many occasions really hadn't change at all either. It was just internally she was fully aware of everything going on. The crowd outside the bar was the same as always a few people leaning into car windows talking; it was easy to notice a few very Masculine type guys dressed in a dress just without all the make-up, hair and accessories, wearing a normal pair of Runners. Have they always been like that? Always out here before the show like this? Really she was seeing all the same stuff with a new set of eyes and she couldn't help but realize just how oblivious she had been, it was all so clear, completely laid out for her to see before.


End file.
